She's slipping away

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I was with my ex for almost three years. We broke up in a mutual agreement, because things just weren't working well. The thing is, then, I wasn't completely sure of how I felt about her, and I wasn't sure if I really loved her or not. She loved me more than anything, and you could tell it in her eyes and in her expression when she was around me. During our time apart, I finally realized what I want, and that I now realize that I really do love her with everything I can give and want to spend my life with her. I asked her if she would take me back, and she said that she didn't want a boyfriend right now. Well... I found out she had one, so when I asked, she explained that she didn't really know what she wanted in life, and that she didn't love me like she used to anymore. I made the mistakes here, begging, calling too much, crying. I can't help it, I'm afraid I've lost her for good. I've been there for her since she's been through some bad times lately, when her deadbeat boyfriend is nowhere to be found. I've given her money when she's needed it, while he doesn't do anything for her. Yet, she says she makes him happy. We talked the other night after I bought her a flower, a card, a candle, and a $400 necklace, and she said that she'd be back one day, but not right now. She said that she still loved me (not as much as she used to, or that I know I love her) but my timing, with finding my true feelings and telling her, was too late. She said it wouldn't be fair to either me or her bf if she just left him in an instant and came back to me, which I agree with. So I agreed to give her space. I only send her a few text messages a day, and I don't call at all unless she asks me to. I feel now that I'm losing her, because she won't even initiate conversation with me anymore, won't tell me when anything's wrong anymore, and she never has time to spend with me as friends, because she's "busy" with him. I just don't know what to do, I love her to death and she's slipping away... I'd give anything to have her back by my side, please help me... Advice
My suggestion is to give her the space, which she obviously needs.

Instead of texting her daily, ask her if you could call her weekly for 15 minutes to see how she is doing. At the same time you will be letting her know that you care for her and maintain contact. Be cheerful and don't talk about your relationship.

See how this approach works with her and if it seems not to work it's back to the drawing board.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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