Sex at 13

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hey..Im 13 years old..and Im totally in boyfriend, 15, and we have been together for 6..and 3/4 months. But have been friends for 4 years...

I love him with all my heart...and we've done everything but Sex...He doesn't really ever ask for it either..But...I'm starting to begin to want that..should I let him be my first or not..Help me..~Thanks~ Advice
Thirteen is REALLY young for sex. I'm not saying this in a "you're a baby!" kind of way. But think of it in this way. You're not really wanting to be married yet, right? You want to graduate from high school, maybe college, and then get married in a white dress in some sort of wonderful way. We all have dreams about how we want to be married.

Sex is the same way. It's not just a thing you do, like riding a bike. It's really something you remember for your ENTIRE life, it is a mark of passage probably far more important than marriage. That's why for so many people marriage and sex happen at the same time. Becuase sex is about fully giving yourself over to a guy. And more than that, it has a very real possibility of having a baby. Yes, you can use a condom. But condoms fail. So every time you have sex, you have to ask yourself, are you ready to raise a child, pay for its needs, give up the next 20 years of your life raising this child and training it?

Most girls put off marriage because they want to explore life, have fun, see what the world offers before they are "stuck" with one guy. So to say at 13 that you are ready to settle down and raise an infant 24 hours a day is really shutting down your potential in life. Yes, you can care for this guy and love him!! And there are MANY MANY ways for you guys to have sexual pleasure and have fun WITHOUT full sexual intercourse. The other ways don't cause babies to be born. Sexual intercourse DOES.

I would really wait until 15 or 16 before you cross that barrier. At that point you can get a job and support yourself. No matter how much you love this guy, when you have a baby growing within your womb, your focus is on that baby. The guy may leave you. Many guys who are very loyal take off when the ACTUAL baby is in front of them. And at that point you must pay for its diapers, for its pacifiers, for its formula. Please do not have sex until you are ready to pay for those things and have a steady job. Your baby deserves that support from you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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