Should I stick around (maybe less often) and continue our friendship?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago. We dated for 2 years off and on. We currently still talk on the phone about 2-3 times a week, either I call him or he calls me. We hang out about once a week. Sometimes we cuddle and sometimes we don't. For the first 2 months we barely cuddled and latley we are cuddling more. We have slept together about 4 times since we broke up. I love him and miss him a lot, but I want more. I called him last night after leaving his house and told him I was mad and confused because there are times we cuddle and sometimes when we are "just friends". Then we talked about it a little, but nothing was resolved. He says he still cares about me but he just isn't sure what he wants. It is fruastrating. There are times when we are together and things are so great, we are always great together so I just don't get it. I know he cares about me by the way he looks at me, but maybe I am fooling myself? I just don't get it, it feels like he wants to be with me one minute and then not the next minute. When I talked to him last night I asked what he was thinking because he was quiet and he just said that he thinks he should give me an answer but he just doesn't know. Is this his way of wanting me to be like we are done and just walk away so he doesn't feel like the bad guy or should I stick around (maybe less often) and continue our friendship for his support? Maybe he is going through something in his life and doesn't know what it is that he is looking for? Is that possible? I don't know I am just confused what I should do, I love him and want to be with him, but at the same time I can't let him have his cake and eat it too. I deserve more respect than that. He use to tell me that he loves me and now he says he cares about me but he can't say he loves me. I just don't get it. There was one phone coversation about a month after we broke up when he said it was hard seeing me (it was 2 days before) because he still cares about me and later said that we would be ok. What does that mean -he is the one that broke up with me. Again, I just don't get it.

What should I do? Any ideas? Am I being a dumb female waiting around for a guy that doesn't know what he wants? Advice
Your only options are to stick around or walk away.

Nobody knows what's going on in his mind not even he. Don't beat yourself up trying to know what is unknowable right now.

What you do depends on how much you love him or how much pain you can stand. My advice is to stick with him for another month or two--and tell him you are going to do this. If by then he still hasn't figured it out then then stop your waiting and cut him free.

It isn't fair to you to be kept dangling like this.

My best wishes to you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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