Please help me figure this out because I need to get over him if this is just sex.

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I met a guy 15yrs ago at a bar, but I was already living with a man who is now my husband. This guy was accepting of my situation, not calling the house....We would meet at the bar and then leave together for some awesome sex, the chemistry was definately there (for sex). However, outside of bed we faught like something terrible, eventually our meetings turned into just sex, no socializing. I told him once that I loved him so he knew how I felt. It was understood from me that he did not feel the same. That was ok with me. This "relationship" went on for 3yrs. The last time I slept with him was on sweetest day and he whispered "I Love You" in my ear and left a huge hickey on my neck. I asked why he did that (because he knew I was living with someone) he said he was "marking his territory". Soon after that we faught for some reason and I was terribly threating to him telling him not to reveal our relationship to my boyfriend ever and that we were over. Through the years I have longed for him and many nights cried because I wish I could go back to that day and do things differently. Oddly enough, 1 1/2yrs ago he began calling me again. I wasn't really feeling anything for him but he kept calling me daily and soon I found myself feeling old feelings again. I found out that he was living with someone so now we are BOTH living with others. Recently we have been having very intimate phone sex and I long for him again, he knows I love him again but when he is confronted with my feelings he says he doesn't know whats going to happen between us. I tell him I want us both to stay in our relaionships (because I don't think we would get along outside of bed) but I do want to see him occasionally and have sex and have mutual love. He responds by telling me he wants to have sex but he gets scared that I will get mad at him and tell his girlfriend (because of the angry way I reacted when we stopped seeing each other the first time). When our conversations turn into talking about my feelings for him he says we need some time apart to settle down and he stops calling me for a few weeks or months then he starts it up again. I recently asked him if he wanted to be just friends with no sex and no phone sex and he totally avoided answering. He has never been married and has no children. I am married with three beautiful children. I love him, but I'm not sure how to read him. Our sex and phone sex is extremely intimate and soft spoken and utterly hot. Do you think he loves me again or just wants the excitement of our hot sex talk? Please help me figure this out because I need to get over him if this is just sex. Advice
Sorry but it sounds like pretty cut and dried case of mostly sexual convenience for both of you.

You are risking your marriage and your kid's happiness by going down the path of physical pleasure. You do have loving feelings, but the other guy certainly doesn't. If you don't accept this, just ask him.

Meanwhile you ought to turn your face back to your family and make sure that what you have done never comes back to bite you.

If you think you might benefit from professional counselling, go for it.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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