My whole day is consumed with thoughts of him and us

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my husband for 5 yrs. 2 of them married. While I was with my husband I hated him. I hated almost everything about him. I could not work on our marriage because all I thought about was how it would be if I left. I left Oct. 1st. I left when things were "okay". I could not pass up an apartment because what would happen in a month or so when I hated him again. A week after I left he called. We started talking for hours something we had not done in years. He did not want divorced because what if we decided to get back together. We had tons of awesome sex. One weekend he changed. Suddenly he didn't feel the same. Two weeks later I found out he was sleeping with someone else. Now he says he wants a divorce. He thinks it would be best. Before he slept with this person he was telling me how much he loved me and how much he missed me. Now all he says is he cares about me very much but he doesn't feel the same and he is sorry. He said things change daily. They are only changing because he is sleeping with her. I have hormonal issues and had a hard time dealing with things when I was with him. I thought I did not love him. Now I realize I love him and want him back. I thought that is what we were both working on. I know the problems are still there but I feel that because I love him I can deal with them. Now if we get back together can I trust him. Everyone says don't let him know how miserable you are. Well, I have. I have cried to him many times. I've tried ignoring him by not calling and he just ends up not calling me. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to get him back. He said he is going to file for divorce this week. Is there anything I can do to stop this. I feel very weak and not strong enough to move on. I love him. My whole day is consumed with thoughts of him and us. The bad things in our relationship don't seem that bad now. All I can remember is the good. I've even made a list of the bad and good things. The bad out weigh the good but it doesn't change the fact that I love him. I feel like I can handle all the bad because now I know I love. What do you think? How can I get him back. If not I need the magic answer on how to move on. I think I would have been fine if after I left we wouldn't have done what we did. There was hope again and now there seems to be nothing.
Thank you,
LZ Advice
Your mood went from hating him every day and moving out.

Then your mood was to love him and be consumed with thoughts of him.

Seems to me there is a battle of wills here about who is going to divorce who. You want a divorce then change your mind, he finds a g/f and then he changes his mind. This is definitely not a good relationship to say the least.

This is not something that can be fixed over the Internet. You need to seek out professional counselling to help see your way through this mess.

Good luck! George

-- from George
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