My boyfriend and i are getting better tho - and now I dont know what to do

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I'm very confused now and I'm not sure what to do. Recently I've noticed a good deal of pain in my current relationship with my boyfriend - but I'm trying to hold on and focus more on the good things and patiently work on the bad things. It seems to be working so far - but I think something is very very wrong...

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend, went out of town for a friends wedding. I called a relatively new guy friend of mine and asked him if hed want to go have some beers with me. We met at a local bar and had a pitcher with two of his friends. Then I suggested that we go to another bar and watch a particular band play. He said that we should go back to his apartment and see what his roommates are up to. We go to a gas station and I buy 18 more beers and we go to his place. No one is home. He played some CD's and ricited some of his songs to me. He also did some coke - offered me some but I refused saying I'd prefer just beer. Keep in mind that this "friend" also met my boyfriend the same time he met me.

About an hour after we were at his house his roommate came home with his "date" who just happened to be one of my old friends. The four of us sat and drank beers and talked about music and junk. Then I told my friend (the roommates date) about how my current boyfriend (who she by the way doesnt like) has hurt me with things hes said - I'm ashamed to say that I was probably bad mouthing him - but I was also trying to vent to my girl. She said I should dump him strait out and her guy (the 'roommate') agreed. My friend, lets call him Jesse for clarification, said nothing.

Jesse had been sitting next to me all night and occasionally getting up to do more lines - I still did not partake. I used to do that kind of stuff a lot 10 years ago and I really dont like it anymore. The roommate and the girl went to get cigarettes and left me and Jesse alone in the apartment. He seemed not to be doing so well so I let him rest his head on my shoulder and rubbed his head and told him he should just relax. We were watching a movie.

The roommate and my girl came back and we listened to more music. When they walked in, Jesse got up fast and moved to the other couch away from me. She convinced me to do a line with them and I did - one. After a while though I realized I was getting tired and climbed over the couches and whispered in Jesse's ear that i was going to go home. He asked if i wanted to go in the back room and lie down. I said ok - seeing as it would be best not to drive after that much beer anyways.

We lay down on the bed in the room and he turned off the lights and put his arms around me - it felt nice and i was tired so i didnt resist. Then he started kissing me and I started to think this was not such a good idea - BUT I like this guy and I really want him to be my friend (I'm real low on friends BTW). He moved my hand to his pants and I said "no its not right - we cant do that - I still have a boyfriend - you'll feel bad - its not right"

Then he started begging - "please just touch it" - I still resisted becoming increasingly frustrated - I did not want to cheat on my boyfriend. Jesse kept begging - almost desperatly - so I touched it - then he started begging for me to blow him and I said again "no we cant - its not right" and I started to get wimpery - almost about to cry.

He said "dont get all emotional - if youre going to get all emotional then i'm going back out there" I didnt want him to leave so I went down - I still couldnt do it - I kept telling him it was wrong but he kept begging.

Eventually I did. It was short and not fun at all. Afterwards I asked him to give me a drink of water. He left and came back and handed me the glass without looking at me. He said someone else had showed up and he was going back in the living room and asked if i was coming. I said OK and went with him.

My friend said to me when we got back in the living room "why is your hair messed up? did you f*ck him?" I said no. She said "why the hell not!!" and said because I have a boyfriend

I dont remember most of the rest of the night. Jesse and I pinky promised what i thought was an agreement not to tell anyone of our moment of weakness. I remember waking up about 6 am the next morning laying on the futon under a blanket with Jesse and my pants were off. I got dressed and cried all the way home.

My friend called the other day and she was out with jesse's roommate. He said that Jesse told him I gave him a blowjob. I denied it to my friend and told my boyfriend that he had said that and that it was all not true. But I've been bringing it up more and more lately around my boyfriend that Jesse or his roommate is talking smack about me - part of me wants to cover my ass - and part of me wants to get caught.

My boyfriend and i are getting better tho - and now I dont know what to do. Should I tell him or just let this fitter away into bad memories? It makes me nauseuos to think about that night. I did tell my boyfriend that jesse and i went in the other room and layed together - and that I rubbed his head whilst we were alone on the couch - but I was doing those things because I was trying to be jesses friend - and my boyfriend isnt mad about it - my sister says its "aquaintence rape" - I feel used and wrong - what should I do? Advice
The "right" thing is to tell your boyfriend what happened.

But life isn't that easy. You would probably prefer to keep it from him and hope for the best. Unfortunately, it's probably going to get back to him and you will have to figure out what to say.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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