I pushed her and she fell and had a bruise on her butt

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I was with this girl for 10 months. Our relationship in the beggining was amazing. We spent everyone moment with one another..She had many problems with her parents and her parents did not care for me or my family too much. my father worked with hers and he had started to give me dad a hard time at work because he knew we supported her..my family and I were always there for her to give her comfort and advice even though all this crap was going on...then one day I decided that I wanted to go to school in another country..I wanted the girl to come with me because I wanted her to be able to be free and away from all the stress..Of course her parents were against the idea..but we fought and after finding her financial aid, we made it together to the school..we spent 6 months at this school, living together, taking care of one another...Since her parents did not support her decision, they obviously did not give her anything( ie. money). The whole time we were up there my father supported us..I took care of her the best I could..this of course killed me because I my father gave us so much money and her parents gave her nothing..some nights we spent eating only a bowl of soup...My father kept hassling me because of my quickly depleting funds..I became really stressed because I wanted this girl there but it was getting so hard. Her parents constantly emailed her and made her feel like she was so wrong.I soon lost focused because of all the stress, and drifted away....I forgot my intial goal, to let this girl be free..so one day, when all the stress got to me, we had a fallout..we got into a huge argument, which became a fight..I lost my temper and said things I should have not, and I threw her out of my aparment..we were both heated in the mist of the fight and I pushed her and she fell and had a bruise on her butt..we sort of made up after the fight...for some reason i did not think I was all that wrong.. I felt like she never tried to help, my dad was constantly having a horrible time at work and would yell at me because of all his stress..I felt like this girl could maybe tell her parents to lay off, I mean she was 18 and going to college, this is her choice and her parents have no right making her life hard, but she never would tell them to lay off..i felt like I was doing all the work..so soon after we sort of made up, I really didnt apologize for my actions that much..we both came back to our old home...she told her parents about the fight, and she was not allowed to see me...but we saw eachother a few times and it was great, I felt more in love than ever...but then soon after she started to meet new people and then one night she called saying that she could not be with me anymore because of what I did..of course I fought and fought....then a week later she told me she was moving far away to another country to go to school. she did not once tell me that she could not be with me face to face. she jsut called me when she was with her friends drunk and was laughing and said that she didnt want me....this hurt me...I didnt even get to say goodbye to her before she left. she left me clueless..so now she is at her new college, I havent seen her in 3 months..I called her, wrote her did whatever I could to stay in touch...Now, all of sudden she is saying she does not want anything to do with me. she says she cant be with me becuase of waht I did...I try so hard to let her know that I just lost focus and it was not the guy I am who pushed her..it is hard from so far away..Email and phone calls can only do so much...she keeps bringing up that one fight, she seems like she forgot all the things that I have done for her...I know I was wrong, but it does not mean I love her...well now she says she doesnt care if I am with other girls and she wants to not talk to me ever again...Next semester I am giong to a school only 2 hours away from hers...I want to be with her because she is my love...I want her back in my life...but it seems so hopeless...I try to show her that I care and that big fight was not who I was...She says her heart wants to be with me, but she cant because of what I did..she also says all her friends say to stay away..note taht these friends dont even know who I am....I am trying so hard, but i dont know what else to do...I did everything for this girl, then I just lost focus one time, I let all the stress get to me and I messed up...she has already hooked up with other guys including her ex boyfriend...I dont know what I can do..I told her i just want to re meet her when I get over to where she is...I feel so empty without her..I also feel ashamed for what I did...i just dont know what to do, I feel like I am smothering her with all my emails and calls..maybe I should just not contact her, and give her space and time..but then I am afraid that she will move on...the last time I talked to her, she said cant be with anyone..she is waiting for a guy to sweeep her off her feet, but she says she can not even be with me again.It is still going to be 2 and half months till I get to see her again. I want this to work out, because we were perfect togetger...We lived on our own in a foreign country everything was perfect and now the tables have turned and the sun seems like it no longer shines..I have all these tincredible feelings for her and i know that i can give her so much..I know deep within my heart I can give her the best..now she seems like she is in a new place, and my pictures are fading from her mind..all I want is another chance...how can I make this work....please give some advice...

RomanceClass.com Advice
People take physical violence very seriously as you have discovered.

And, no matter what you do you can't take it back. On the other hand, she may be subconsciously using that incident to get away from all the stress that your relationship brought to you two.

Wait a month, then call her, just to ask her how she is doing. You can let her know you still care for her but don't discuss your relationship any more. Then call once a week and do the same thing. With any luck, you two will become good friends and perhaps more. This will take a long time--months-- so you need to have a lot of patience.

Good luck to you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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