I want my boyfriend back

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me a month ago and I miss him badly. We both loved each other very much. We spent every minute together and had a very healthy relationship. It took him a month to tell me why he broke up with me. He told me he is afraid of commitment and is scared of being so close to someone at a young age (I am 15 he is 16 turning 17 in a month) and he is afraid of going back out with me because he knows he will get close to me again.

I tried to tell him that we didnt have to have that seriouse of a relationship until he is ready because I understand but that really hasnt done much. He did tell my friend that he was thinking about getting back together with me but im pushing him away. But I dont see how!!! I have totally left him alone, I dont bug him about us getting back together and I dont try and pry into his life I simply act like a friend because when he broke up with me he told me he still wanted to be friends.

I think he does miss me he doesnt flirt with anyone and he looks sad his actions are different and you can tell he has changed. Please help me get my boyfriend back. Please help me know what to do and say to him without pushing him away. PLEASE I just want my boyfriend back!

RomanceClass.com Advice
One or two years is hardly anything as far as an age difference goes. Think of the people who are 18 who date people in their 30s or 40s! The age difference should NOT be making him nervous - so what is? Is it that he wants "more" from a girlfriend and doesn't want to push you because you're too young for what he wants? That's the only think that strikes me as probable. If that's the case, he really should learn patience. Yes, all the touchy-feely parts of life are fun. But you have your ENTIRE life to do that sort of stuff. There's no reason to race into it when you're younger. It actually is much, much better if you wait until you're older to get into that, for many reasons.

You're definitely doing the best you can by staying friends with him. This problem is all up in his head with his "ideas" about what is and is not a good relationship. Obviously you guys HAD a good relationship until his phantom worries sprang up. So I think if you want to shake them out of his head, you need to sit down and talk with him.

Ask him WHAT it is about this "age difference" that bothers him. Nobody cares if people are 2 years apart or 20 years apart. Heck, it wasn't that long ago that people at 14 and 15 were being married. It's not like you're too young to be in a relationship. So what DOES he think is the problem. Don't let him evade. Ask him. Maybe he hasn't even thought about it himself and this can shake him into realizing that. There is some idea he has in his mind about wanting "X" and that you are too young for "X". So ask him what it is. If he's having this mental issue cause a problem for both of your lives, you deserve to have it talked about. Hopefully when you do talk about it, he'll realize he's putting some nebulous thought over a real life good relationship.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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