And then I told him that I knew he had asked a girl out

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Okay I wrote in here about my ex asking that girl out after making it feel like we were back together.

Well, first of all we weren't back together which I knew, so it's not like a cheating thing, I would obviously be upset if he asked another girl out because I dont know what he is doing with me, but if he was honest then we are supposed to be best friends no matter what happens between us, and I would accept that a lot more.

Well today I called him so that I could ask him about it (because I never just believe rumours I always have to check), which I thought was a good thing. I was not upset at all, I was calm and asked him if he had a few minutes to just talk. And he said sure, about what.

So I asked him, does he like anybody, and he said no, nobody. And then I told him that I knew he had asked a girl out, and he got all upset and was like "who did you hear that from? who did i ask out?" and i told him who he had supposedly asked out, but I didnt tell him who told me because the person asked me not to get them in the middle of it. So I told my ex that I couldn't tell him who told me because I had made a promise...and my ex said if I was his friend I'd tell him and I told him that was unfair. Then he said "this is bullsh*t!" and hung up on me.

So I called him back wanting to know why he was so mad at me, and was still remaining pretty calm. He said cuz I wouldn't tell him who was "talking sh*t" (even though I dont consider it like that) so finally I made him promise he won't do anything and I told him. Then he got all upset saying that person doesnt know him, that he did ask the girl to hang out but that doesn't mean he likes her and stuff like that. Which I already was kind of thinking in my head because he's always had a lot of girl friends, and I told him that too.

Anyways, I am just confused as to why he got so mad at me, and even though I tried to remain calm I did end up yelling back and starting to cry. I think it is unfair that I called him to talk about something calmly and friendly (I couldn't have been nicer)...and he got mad at me and hung up.

So I guess my questions are, should I believe him? (he has lied before) And how do I deal with keeping him calm when I try to talk to him? Small issues can become blown out of proportion because of how he reacts, then we both get angry and into shouting matches. Usually when I confront him about something I act angry so it sets him off and he tells me later I should have just talked to him about it in a nice way, so that's what I did this time and it did not work. Advice
You did talk to him in a nice way but it didn't work.

Probably he was anticipating a fight and so he started one. It takes more than once to get him to change his pattern. Keep on with the gentle and loving talking and he will eventually respond to it.

My guess is that he told you the truth. After all, he doesn't have much reason to lie to you. This would also explain part of his anger because you didn't believe him.

Try to continue to work nicely with him and trust him and he will eventually respond in kind.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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