My Girlfriend Broke Up after Visiting Home

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I had been dating my ex-girlfriend for two months and everything was going very well between us. I live in Spain and she is an American exchange student that is staying here for a year. She went back home to the US for 3 weeks for Christmas and when she got back, after a week or so, she started to behave different, specially being mean to me. She seemed not to be interested in our relationship anymore.

A week later she told me that she was going through a weird time and that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anybody for a while, so she asked me to brake up. She told me that it didn't had anything to do with me, that it was just something of her. I thought that this was going to be a temporary state and that everything was going to be solved when she shettled her self back here, so I decided that I was going to be very nice to her, so that when she stopped feeling that, we could come back together.

We have been seeing each other several times since then for 5 weeks but things are getting worse. She now says that she needs space and that when I am nice and kind to her, she felts that I am putting a price or an expectation that goes with it. I asked her to talk about it, but she told me to be apart and not to meet for a couple of weeks.

I don't understand why we broke up and why she has been so mean to me since then. While dating and after we broke up, I have really done my best to make her feel good and loved. What should I do to try to get her back? Advice
It sounds like something happened when she was home and that it affected how she looked at the relationship. Maybe she was reminded that it was just temporary and she didn't want to be hurt when she had to leave. Maybe she hooked back up with an old boyfriend from home and wanted to date him long distance. In any case, she's acting very unnicely towards you. She's pushing you away and not telling you why, and shen you are just being nice to her she claims it's because you have ulterior motives. It sounds like she's assuming that just because she is treating you poorly, that obviously you must have the same problems when you act a certain way towards her.

You deserve to know what is going on - you both were in a relationship together and put time and effort into it. Even if it's just that she is worried about the fate of your relationship, for her to toss in the towel without really telling you why isn't healthy either for you or her. I'd try to find a way to sit down with her and talk honestly about what is going on, if only for both of your closure and moving on with life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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