Since her mom passed away she's been feeling like she doesn't want to miss out on life

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Over a month ago I had broken up with my gf of about a year. She had decided that she simply wanted to be on her own for a while. I respect and understand her views. She's going to England for a year to be an Au Pair. It's something she's wanted to do for a while. Since her mom passed away she's been feeling like she doesn't want to miss out on life and wants to live it to her fullest, like her mom did.

We decided to stay friends, and recently we hang out once in a while. We go for walks, talk about issues. I'll be honest I have never loved someone this much. It's like in my heart I feel 100% certain I could spend forever with her. Yet I would hold back because I want to respect her needs and wants. The other night we had been talking and I kind of slipped with my emotions. I told her I'd always be there for her. That I love her 100% and I know that in my heart, with no hesitation, that I want to someday be with her always.

She has said she does still feel for me, but that her need to be on her own right now out weighs those feelings. She tells me I'm a great guy for being so understanding of her. Well, I was holding her, and touching her hair, when I kissed her on the cheek, and from that we just started to kiss and she really got into it. I don't think I've ever been held so tightly. Other things happened and she had wanted me to make love to her, and I had wanted to, I wanted to experience those moments once more but I couldn't. She felt a little bad but she also said the kissing felt so good.

I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not to have a sexual relationship with your ex. We both agreed to not let the feelings confuse us. She also told me that there's a good possibility that we could one day be together again, just not right now. I know she has reassured me at times by telling me she is not going to England to meet new guys, she's going there to be an Au Pair.

I don't know if I'm getting her back or if I'm making things worse. Lately since that make out incident, she still talks to me but it seems to be very little. I'm not really sure how to handle talking to her, I don't want to constantly talk to her and make her feel annoyed. Lately it's been so hard on me to focus without worrying so much about what's to come. What advice can you offer? How can I know that I'm on the right track to helping her realize what we had is so great that it's worth giving a second chance?

She doesn't know I want to have her back.. she knows I love her whole heartedly. But I know she doesn't know I want her back with me someday. Well.. she might, I could be giving off signals. I don't know, I'm doing so much with my life lately and I have so much fun with friends, yet amongst that fun I still feel a void of emptiness that just stings. And I just don't know what to do next. By the way I don't know if this helps but she is 19 and I am 22. Advice
Sounds like you are doing just fine with her.

You told her you loved her. Which, by the way tells her you want her back. She responded eagerly. It seems to me that she is interested in keeping your relationship together too once she gets back. And there is the possibility that you could visit her in England.

Focus on being her best friend and help her with her needs. She will appreciate it and that will help you in the long run.

Also, consider how much better off you are that 1000's of guys who have broken up and their ex's won't give them the time of day.

Good luck to you,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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