I Pressured Her about Intimacy, and she Left

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I want my ex back so bad.......My gf and I had a fight about our intimacy level, and it really bothered her, I wasnt that willing to change at the begining, but came around and understand how stubborn I had been. So I wrote her a note and explained I was sorry, we decided to take some time off cause of college midterms, but the next day she decided to break up with me. She said she had done alot of thinking and that I wasnt the one, and she wouldnt ever fall in love with me, and that she wanted to end it now....

I miss her so much, and want her back. But her sister has this problem with going back to her old bf over and over....so she really resents the idea of doing it...besides she still feels how i said above.

How can I get her back?

RomanceClass.com Advice
I'll make an assumption here that you wanted more intimacy and she didn't, judging by the reactions involved. One of THE most important thing you can do in a relationship is respect each other's point of view on intimacy. Intimacy is all about your personal choice and desire to do something involving *your body* with the other person. It MUST be done voluntarily with NO pressure. The fact that you could not only pressure her but even fight with her about her choice is a really bad sign. She sensed that and thought it was better not to continue the relationship.

You say that she still feels strongly about it. If you want any chance of renewing relations with her, that is the issue you must address. She must have liked some other things about you for you guys to date, and maybe it was this one issue that for her was "the" stopping block. So you need to talk with her about it.

Try to explain a bit of why you felt the way you did before. You need to show her that it wasn't some built-in fault you had, but just a bad decision. And then show her how you've learned and changed because of her - how she's helped you become a more understanding person. Emphasize how much you really care for her and how you know that together, you can work through issues. Remind her that all relationships have ups and downs - and the reason they work is that both people work on them, stay through those trouble times and come out even stronger. If she just runs off when she hits a trouble spot, that's not a good sign for *any* relationship she'll have in the future. She needs to learn to stay and work on issues when they get tough - not to run off because it's easier.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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