Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hi i am C* and i am 21 years old, i met a lovely woman over the net when i was 16 and she was 32, we fell in love on our first meeting, and for 2 years we took turns to visit each other every weekend, as she lives about 200 miles from me, we spoke every single day at least twice, and after 2 years of dating i moved in with her, we lived together for 2 1\2 years, but things went down hill on the sex, and socialising side of the relationship, we began arguing and had a communication break down, the sex more of less stopped after the first year of living together and i tried everything i could to spice things up, but nothing worked, i decided it would be mature of me to move back near my family again (200 miles from her), as i wanted to prove to her and myself i could be mature,and look after myself and also gain experiences of being alone, looking after myself etc to hopefully improve my relationship with her i only has planned to stay away for a few months, but i had not discussed this with her properly, and a month after i moved back near my family, she dumped me as i was depressed and confused about my sexuality a bit....

anyway, what i want to know is does anyone think i should try to work on getting back with her, i have been alone now for 10 months and have learnt alot, we still speak every day, and we still see each other every few months, but i miss her loads, i get upset all the time, and keep blaming myself, i have had other offers of relationships but have turned them down as i want to be with my ex, i dont think she is with anyone else, when she comes to see me, she still hugs me, holds my hand, winks at me, pinches my bum and is forever buying me stuff and complimenting me on my looks etc, but there is no kissing or anything, and when she sleeps at my place she keeps herself hidden and wears pjs in bed etc, so i cant work her out at all, what does anyone else think???? i have started complimenting her alot, but am afraid of saying anything to her, as i dont want to cause any arguments or anything, if she doesnt feel the same, she came to see me a few days ago, and its so weird i feel so in love again more than ever ( the way you feel when you first fall in love,) i get butterflies in my stomach when i see or hear her, and am thinking about her all the time, but i am afraid i am just going to get hurt again, if i dont take control, of myself, or should i just let myself go, and try and talk to her.. anyway i will shut up now and see what you all think i should do....

any help will be great, thankyou xx Advice
You are in a difficult situation and I sympathize.

Have a long talk with her and get down to the facts of the matter. Why did she all of a sudden cut off the sex? Why does she act so friendly but wear pajamas to bed?

There must be some reason and you deserve to have an answer just to get closure if nothing else.

My advice is to just let yourself go and see what develops... nothing ventured nothing gained.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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