Nothing else happened besides hugging, talking, laughing, and our sweetest kiss

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been married from 3 years to my hub (Guy 1). He has a close friend who I will refer to as Guy 2 in this email. Guy 2 and my hub have been friends from 7 years and they work together and treat one another like an extended family, always hanging out and doing things together. Anyway, Guy 2 and his wife happen to be friends with me as well, from the marriage. So from the past 2 years I always felt an attraction towards this Guy 2. I just never approached him, or took my feelings into consideration, as I am married as well to a wonderful husband. Well, last year during new years of 2004, my hub and i were at Guy 2's place for a party as usual. Well at this party, somehow, Guy 2 kept dancing with me and teasing/flirting with me, and I also flirted and enjoyed dancing with him. Our dance was rather having my back against his chest and we just slowly moved. Well this was all in front of my hub and his wife. My hub and his wife are both very lenient, down to earth people. They have seen alot actually, and have been fine with it. Anyway, so since that new years party Guy 2 and I have had chances to meet with other friends or on occasions, and we would always spend time talking, and smiling, and laughing while staring at each other. So one day about 2 months later, I invited him over my place while my hub was out of town on business.. Guy 2 came over and we hugged for 5 mins. Then we talked alot about work, things we liked, what we did, just anything and we were cuddling tightly the whole time. Then he confessed that he has always liked me alot, and I also told him that I liked him. So we both sat down, and I asked him to kiss me. He first said that he was close friends with my hub, and felt it ws not right.

Then once we talked some more and laughed, he softly leaned to me and kissed me. We kissed nonstop/breathless, lovers, and deep/lip to lip, no tongue kiss for 10 minutes. I was over him on the couch, and we were just cuddling very very close and kissing. I moved my chest to his chest and we just both felt one another, obviously over our clothes. Nothing else happened besides hugging, talking, laughing, and our sweetest kiss. So after that time was over, every time after that we agreed that we would never meet alone, or do anything mroe than best friends. Actually he told me one day at a party few weeks ago, that he really likes me, and that he can talk to me about anything, but that we are married and cant kiss or see one another.
Anyhow during these times since that kiss of ours, we had been writing emails back and forth about general things, and our selves, and even though he tells me we won't kiss or do anything more again, he always dances closely with my at every occasion, he openly hugs me and talks to me. Most of the time in front of my hub and his wife, Guy 2 and I will be talking, and then we will have a few moments when we will be looking into each others eyes and talk, and start smiling softly as our gaze is into each other. This happens usually, and we both appreciate it. Now my question is I do spend time writing him, and hugging him, and even this past new years he lifted me ujp in front of everyone, then we were alone, and I hugged him and touched his chest, and hair, and he looked in my eyes, and then took his two arms and gently massaged my back. That felt so close.
I do love him, and we have confessed to it. If and when hub is not looking he will give my soft but loveable squeezes during our talks, and hugs, and he will hold my hand. The day after this new years we had all gone out, and he was paying attention to me the whole time, not bothered where his wife is or what he is doing. He was gathered around me, and when we play pool, he always has the tendency to stare at me from the front when its my turn to shoot. When I play and he is on the side, he tends to tickle me or tease me, and we both flirt a that time. So this time we went to his house and I asked him to hug me when we were alone, he did hug me, and then I asked him to close the door, and he said he canít do this anymore softly. Then again I took his name and Guy 2 said again softly, to me that he canít do this anymore. Now tell me if I am wrong, but when a guy said they canít do anything, that means they want to stop all contact right? Shouldnít it be that way? There should be no hugging, dancing, flirting, talking on the phone, or hiding, or secretly squeezing me right? There should be no reason for him in weddings to stand next to me on the other side of my hub and watch me from the corner of his eyes, while other couples are with their partners?
Anyhow so after Guy 2 said he canít do anything, the next day my hub and I were ready to leave his place. Well when it was guy 2 and my turn to say bye, I hugged him as normally I would, and quickly let go. Guy 2 on the other hand and this is the first time, he did this. He kept holding on to me. He kept hugging me for few minutes in silence being still, while my hub and his wife were both watching us in the same room. And then, I looked at my hub who was looking at me, and I shrugged thinking I donít know why Guy 2 is hugging me so long and so seriously. Then I pushed Guy2 away from me, as I felt awkward pain from the evening we had before. Now even after I pushed him away, he still kept hugging me. Then after a few more minutes, I took my arms and hugged him. I felt my arms feel him gently and warmly, wanting him and telling myself I loved him, and then my hands rested together in silence on his back,and my hands were steady, and my head gently just laid to rest on his shoulder in epace. Then I did that for a few and looked at my hub, andthen turned to the other side and noticed his wife watchis us, it was at this moment , while were still hugging, that I felt so good to be hugging hm and hugged by him. We were so quiet and peaceful in our hug, and I wanted it to last forever, He also seemed to be breathless and listeing to my silent and restless heartbeat. We hugged a little more, and finally he gently let go of me and I let go of him. Now this is the first and only time that Guy 2 has ever hugged me for so long, and that too after I have let go of him and wanted him to stop. Usually we both stop at the same time, or hug and talk and stare at each other.
Would you say that this is an affair I am having with Guy 2, even without sex, We kissed before and two months after, he had once danced with me in a way that we touched, he touched my hairand massaged my head and my neck went to his shoulders and we were moving passionately. Whenever heís at my house now a days, he always wants to know where I am going, when I will be back, and he says things like ďHave a good day shoping, or have a good hair do. He says these things in front of my hub who takes it coolly as well. But sometimes I wonder why Guy 2 is so interested in what I do, and if I get upset or we talk, and he says eh canít do something or that we are not best friends, but good friends, he has his ways of hugging me, squeezing me, and just caressing me. If a guy doesnít like a girl that much, why would he be the same way every day for 390 days? He would try to confess to his wife what he did, or just stop every contact with me? At this house during new years, my hub asked Guy 2 to get in a pic with his wife, and his wife is all hugging him and leaning on him and smiling, and he is just with one hand lightly hugginh his wife, while having a grin/hardly any smile on his face and other hand is in his jeans pocket. If I look closely at the pic, it seems like he is disturbed or silently worried. Then an hour later, my hub asked Guy 2 to be in a pic with me, and without any waiting, Guy 2 came across my left shoulder and put his head on my head and touched half of my shoulder, making sure he was close to me. Now this is in front of my hub, us two and he got in to make contact with me, unlike his wife.

Can you tell me what this means What do you feel and why do you feel Guy 2 is doing what he is? Is what weare doing wrong? Is there a chance in which Guy 2 may really not like his wife from when he kissed me and still does things with me? Are we in an affair? Please advise me. Advice
I'm wondering if your hub and guy2's wife are having an affair!

It is amazing how they tolerate such close behavior between you two.

My advice is to have an honest talk with your husband and tell him what you've stated above. This will get the ball moving... no telling which way it will roll though.

You didn't mention any kids-- this would complicate matters.

Guy2 is the one holding back from a verbal committment so it appears that he cares for you and perhaps loves you but doesn't want to make a change. You two are being unfaithful and that is not good for a relationship. Ask Guy2 what's going on in his mind regarding this affair.

Once you talk this thru with 1&2 you may have a chance to figure it out.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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