Still Lusting for My Ex

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
hi i was wondering about my ex boyfriend( im sure all ur letters are abut ex boyfriends haha) boys huh!!!
anyways we broke up awhile ago quite awhile ago cos we got into diffeent schools etc n he wanted to break up. usual story i suppose.

anyways we keep in touch and when we were both home for holidays he asked what i thought about catchin up , we both werent sure, i asked him if he would want sex as im now with someone else and so is he he then told me and he said no but he always wanted to again with me and would be sooo cool if we did. i said yes and he then changed his mind saying he didnt think i really wanted to.

which i suppose was true, but im now interested, he says he wuvs me n misses me n glad we keep touch but he always flirts time to time harmlesly but enuff to make me wonder and he says he'll never stop thinkn about pervy times we had together n he thinks about them all the time!

i didnt end up seeing him cos he said i shouldnt but i feel he just got a sense of reality. do you think he is still in love with me?? i am with him, we had a special relationship. i love my boyfriend also but love i have for ex is a left over deep spot kinda ting u know, ill always have it! Advice
This is pretty common, there are bunches of movies made about it. People break up with their partners for all sorts of reasons, and it's easy to look back and remember the good times and wish you had them again. Especially when you get older, it's thrilling to think back to when you were younger and wilder and more carefree and had a blast.

So remembering those fun times occasionally is certainly normal! If you're seeing another guy now, though, it would be completely unfair to betray him and sleep with your ex just because it's fun though. It's one thing to have fun memories, but it's another to actively betray an existing person who cares for you in order to keep that fun going.

Life goes on, and people change. What was so thrilling about those old times together might not be as much fun if you had to deal with the whole relationship now in your current life. But that's one of those decisions you have to make - to work on your existing relationship, or to see if what spark you had back in your past could really survive in your current world. So you need to make that decision and then be happy that the choice you made was the right one for you.

Yes, you can still care for your ex, and remember fondly the times you had. But if you actively have thoughts of sleeping with him now or seeing him again, you current boyfriend deserves to know this and to be able to find someone who *really* cares for him and will be true to him. If it's just that you have fond memories of your ex, that's normal!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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