What to do about girlfriend?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My g/f and I were together for 3 years untill 1 week ago. Since dating eachother we began living together. She had plans to live at the shore for the summer and invited me to join her and her friends. That summer was great. After the summer was over we went back home and lived at our parents house for about 3 months. She got another place with a friend and i was there most of the time. I would say 4 of 7 nights of the week i stayed over. Eventually it lead to her asking me to stay every night. At this point we may have been taking eachother for granted. I stopped going over her parents house and to see her friends with her, yet we remained together b/c we did love eachother and were just trying to work though our problems. DUrring the time at this house we got 3 cats. After a year we decided to move out and get a place with just the 2 of us. We split all the bills etc. We always pooled our money and made sure we both had the things we needed. Over this past yea i became somewhat obsessive which seemed to start driving her away, so i cooled down and let he do her own things when she wanted. My only request is if she went out and was not goign to come home to just call me, which many times consecutive she did not do. This left me worrying abotu her and if she was ok etc. When she would show up the next day I would be pissed. I never understanded how she could let me sit there worrying about her. 4 Months ago we started working at the same place. They had an opening for exactilly what i was looking for. She told me about it and now we work together. Throughout all of this she was never good at communicating. I felt like she was scared to tell me how she felt. So 1 week ago i was getting ready to make us dinner. I got a vibe from her that she did nto want to be with me, so i asked her if she felt that way and she concurred. She didnt like that we fought sometimes and it was alway about dunmb things like TV and radio in the car. SHe said that she thinks we both need time to ourself to find out who we are and that since she was 16 she had been in a relationship and needed time to figuere out who she was. Bottom line she wanted a break. I did nto under stand this b/c sexually we were better than ever. I fought her on this but it was to no avail and the next night i moved my stuff out. This was 5 days from the superbowl. We made plans to watch it together and spend the day together. Once sunday came breakfast turned into lunch, then lunch to dinner. SHe came to pick me up and sai she wanted to watch it with her family and that she was sorry. I flipped out b/c i felt like i was being screwed over all day and this was her idea to spend the day together. A day alter we talked, she said when she was ready she would give us another try, in the mean time we work in the same department and decided to jsut be friends at work, b/c she nedded her space when it came to her personal life. When we see eanother my heart feel like it falls to my feet b/c she wants to sut be friend for now but i feel more than that. I dont want to pester her and drive her away, but i had special plans for us for Valentines day. My question is do i offer to take her out for Valentines day? When will i know she is ready to get back together, seeing how she isnt good at communication. Is she just letting me down easy b/c she cares about me? How do i know when the time is right to ask her to do something outside of work? She said she isnt interested in other guys or even kissing other people and that she doesnt expect me to wait for her...but i would. At the present time i am setting up a meeting to see a pshchologist about this, my anger, and besically self improvement. SHould i hold any hope for us? how much space is too much or too little? I told her how much i care but how can i show it w/o being overbearing?
Ask her out for Valentine's Day but don't be surprised if she already has plans. Beyond that, give her her space and check in with her from time to time. Her inability/unwillingness to communicate is a real stumbling block since good honest communications is very important to any relationship. Glad to hear you are seeking professional help... that should help.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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