My Girlfriend's Being Harassed by Another Guy

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
ok i have been with my girlfiend for 4 months now and i think everything is going good but....There is this guy at her work that has a big crush on her and he tells his coworks this and he keeps hitting on her. and i know this cuz a bunch of my fiends work there And he calls her sometimes he got her number from her work.

I have asked her about him and she says that she doesnt like him. So then why doesnt she just tell him to go away. is she just to nice? or does she like it? should i sit him down and lay it all out? will she be upset with me after that? I dont know any advice would be helpful. and thank you in advance Advice
It's very healthy for women to have male friends in addition to their actual boyfriend. It gives them a much more rounded view on the world, and support is always a good thing. So she probably enjoys talking with this guy, even though she has no interest at all in anything more.

It's never a good idea to go 'scaring off' people. The issue is between your girlfriend and this guy, and if you try to say to her that she can't take care of herself, that you have to go in and do it for her, that's not a good sign. She needs to feel that she can handle these situations with her own strength, because after all you can't always be there.

You've already expressed your concerns to her, and she's let you know that she is keeping him at an appropriate distance. One of the valuable things every one of us has to learn in life is how to juggle unwanted attractions, and how to maintain a solid relationship even with other stuff going on. So this is something she needs to be able to do on her own. Otherwise you'll be worried any time any guy ever talks to her, if you think that she won't be able to stay with you and have a male friend, too.

Trust her. She cares for you, she wants to be with you. This other guy can't affect that if your relationship is a good one. Just keep talking with her, keep the communication flowing. Make it "your joke" together, that she's so wonderful that she attracts attention. That'll help keep his interest in her as a "known funny thing" in your life.

As a side note, I suppose there's the small chance that he will try to pressure your girlfriend to cross over the boundary if he's immature. It might be good to chat with your girlfriend about that. Some girls feel badly about yelling at a "friend" who gets too close. But she needs to understand that he is NOT being a friend if she feels that pressure, he's being a selfish destroyer of her relationship. He's not looking out for her if he does that to her. So she has to be strong and look out for herself, and tell him it's inappropriate. Again, this is a really important life lesson that, if she hasn't learned it already, she needs to learn soon. Many women get used because they try to be too nice, and are taken advantage of.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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