Boyfriend is a problem

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female

Me and my boyfriend have been togeher for 5 years. He is 7 years younger than me. I am in my mid thirty, and he is in his early thirty. Although the race diffrence between me and him had made me to be a bit unconfortable because of my community, the first 3 and half years we had good time love and understanding, after this time things began to change, the main problem being as follows: my boyfriend could not find suitable job, therefore he has been doing almost nothing since he graduated in 2000. he is very ambitious and intelegent. But this didn't help us!He tried his best to find a job without sucesses. Now he gave up, became depressed and start seeing other women, drinking alcohol. I use to find a lot of love e-mails from women abroad, txt messages, phone calls. and I start to get angry... and he says they are friends but nothing else. But after a while I could not stand it, and it was always argument & confusion.Then he start saying he is busy and calls me very very often or none.I went crazy. After sometime he told me because he has no job, nowhere to live and no money so he needs to sort out his life. I offered him to stay with me, but he said I see down on him, and as one night I was upset with him and told him to leave, he never fell confortable to stay with me anymore...time after time he start to be staying away from me he never calls me and said don't bother me anymore let's break up. I refuse to his idea and start crying... I know he was really depressed & had so many problems. But I can not beleive he wants us to end just because of that!I am sure he was seeing someone. As I did not want the breakup I start to help him morally & sometimes financially, but this did not make him satisfied and he contninue to to same staff, but denies the fact he was seeing someone.
After sometime we got back together but I was not still happy of his behaviours. All the time he is very deppressed and if I give him ideas to get any job for the time being he does not like it, although he started few labour jobs the maximum days he stays is one month.He looks very depressed and start consuming alchol etc...
recently I found him with onother women in which is about 20 years older than him, she claims she is his girlfriend. When I found out he was in a shoking state and I was very upset and tried to away from him. After somedays he said sorry, he does not know what he is doing, he is depressed etc... we got back together. not even after a little while I found him with the same lady. I was very very upset. and I said that is it... I don't want you any more..after sometime we meet and he told me openly he is not seeing the old lady anymore but he is seeing someone else, he does not love her but he needs his mind to be relaxed and try to concentrate and sort out his life... let us be friends he never loved no one in his life and he will never...he said he feels so sad our love to end like this from bottom of his heart. I was in shoked when I heard that from his own words!!!! Now I am feeling very low and
lonely I still love him whatever he did to me. I still have feelings for him. I tried to be away from him,but he is still in my mind. All the DREAMS i have with him seems gone. I still wants him to get the job of his dreams(career) and to move on with me. But I don't know how?
Do you have any advice to tell me please help me. Advice
You have a boyfriend with no job, who drinks, and chases other women, and he wants to break up. You have tried many things to help change his world but they didn't work. This situation is too serious to be quickly discussed here. My advice is that one or both of you get counseling. My personal advice to you is that you find the strength to break away from him since he is playing you for a fool. Sorry you are in this situation.

Good luck,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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