Past causes trouble

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
im a 17 indian.ive been living overseas for the past 3 years.this year i moved to city where heres heaps of indians etc and all my new friends have boyfriends and have done stuff with i hadn't even had my first kiss when i came here this year.but then i hooked up with this guy(my frnds brother) i met on chat 5 years older.ive heard he is a bad guy but he said he has changed..we didnt meet that much but he took me to his place and i wagged school to go to his place after the first day coz he wanted me to and we didnt have sex but everything else yes.i kept suspecting hes cheating on me but i tried to ignore what everyone else said and belived his lame excuses. once i met one of his best friends while i was talking on my boyfrnd's msn as him. i found out he was cheating on me from his friend. We sort of broke up and got back together again but then he dumped me.i had a real hard time getting over him , him being my first boyfrnd and all but his friend really helped me get through.once i took an overdose and he came rushing and made me feel better.we hung out as friends and we are now going out.its been amost 3 mnths for us now. me and my ex were together for 3 1/2 mnths. everything was goin great with me and my current boyfriend.our parents know about us too and are kool. hes a nice guy and is in uni.(my ex didnt have a good education and was just working at a store, my parents wouldve never aproved of him). but now hes having a hard time gettin over my ex coz my ex has told him everything we did.sometimes he makes comments about my ex and me and the stuff we did that really hurt me and he knows this.he says hes trying to get over this stuff. after he says something he feels really bad and apologizes when i cry.he says he wouldn't have cared if it was some other decent guy. but my ex has slept with so many girls and prostitues. my current boyfriend is a virgin. so i think he feels someone as good as him? one of his friends said "u deserve so much better than *my ex*'s second hands" and my boyfriend says this keeps reepeating in his head. im his first serious girlfriend too and he wants us to work out as much as i do. he says he wouldnt mind gettin marrid to me tomorrow if it wasn't for my ex. he canot understand how i couldve been so stupid. but i was new in town i didnt know and girls are stupid and i fell for his sweet words and i gave him everything i could. now i feel like a slut too. i wish i hadn't done stuff with my ex. i just didnt want him to get bored of me. since he was 5 years older than me and we didnt get to meet all the time and we could't have sex like he did with ex's i thot he mite get bored of me and since every one of my friends were doing stuff i wanted to as and my current boyfriend are up to about level 3 as well-everything excpt the big thing. and being indian and how i was brought up n stuff i feel slutty. if i break up with my current boyfriend id be 3rd hand! noone would want me! and id feel worse.every hour i think about what happnd with my ex but i cant change the past i wana build my future and help my boyfrnd get over this stuff please help!my ex was real mean to me too do not have love for him now! once he intentionally invited his current gf (of 6 mnths!) to come over when me and my frnds went over to his place to meet his sister afta we broke up. Advice
Your problem is a difficult one to resolve, and not too unusual. The reason it is difficult to resolve is that it is rooted in jealousy and jealousy is something hard to get over.

Make sure your current boyfriend knows that you have no feelings for your ex, make sure he knows that you love him, and try to help him understand that the past is the past. Ask him to consider how he would feel if your roles were reversed.

Don't think badly of yourself for what you have done. It was done with love in your heart at the time. Since your boyfriend is so jealous, I'd advise you to read our tips about jealousy so you can better understand what he is going through:

Good luck,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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