My Ex is Dating a Strange New Person

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have a question about how to get my love back. Well we went out for 8 months and is was great but at the end of the year she just wanted to break up. I don't know why and now she is going out with some weird white guy that acts like he's black. Is there anyway possilbe you can give some advice on getting her back or at least helping me have something to say to her that can change her mind. Thanks. Advice
It's very strange that she broke up with you without saying why, and that you weren't able to find out why. That's really the key to anything else. You have to know what was wrong in the first place before you can consider how to fix it.

Find a way to talk with her sometime, and say that you've been thinking about your time together. Tell her that it's a new year, and that your resolution is to become a better person. Ask her for advice - and then ask her what she noticed while she was dating you that you might have done better.

This way it makes it seem like you're asking for help, that you want her wise advice. And not that you want her to beat on you - that you want her to help you become an even better person. Hopefully this will appeal to her, and she'll let you know what it was about the way you were that bothered her and caused her to break up. Remember, don't react badly or argue about it! Your aim is to get BACK with her, not to upset her. So say "Ah yes, I understand, I'll work on that, thanks!" and head off. That way she has a very positive reaction and thinks good things about how you took the news.

Now go off and think about what she said, and don't just dismiss it. She had to trust you enough to tell you what was wrong, that you wouldn't react immaturely. So prove to her that you are mature about it and can meet her needs.

Now actually work on whatever the issue was. Don't just walk back up to her and say "Ha, you were wrong!" or "OK I'm different!" Instead, find ways to show her your new outlook. Keep talking with her and being her friend. She may be impressed enough that you cared to change that she becomes more fond of you again.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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