Religion Broke us Up

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi, this question is probably a tough one. i just broke up w/ mg gf after 1 year. We had broken up many times because and only b/c of religion. My ex is a completely diff faith then me. I knew in the beginning she was deeply religious, i on the other hand believe that God is universal and all paths lead to Him, which ever way you to choose to follow. basically we kept breaking up over the issues of kids and what religion they would be. She wants them to be her religion and her religion only.

The problem lies that she wants them to to everything--like go to sunday school once a week, go to "church" once a week even more if there are special holidays, she wants me to contribute to her "church" in monetary means, etc.. I told her i dont have a problem w/ this b./c i have accepted her 100% and i feel my kids should be her faith b/c thats what their mom is. However, i felt that b/c of all this i may feel alone, and isolated in my own family since I am not allowed to participate in the church b/c i am of a different faith. Also i feel that I too would like to occasionaly pray together w/ my children, however she will not "allow" that b/c i am of a different faith.

I have explained/ reasoned with her in great detail that this is not a religious issue, but one of respect. She may not completely agree w/ my religious views, but she can certainly respect them, and can certainly apprecitate a father's desire to pray w/ his children and not be limited/ restricted. Again I told her how i feel in great detail, my fears (isolated), I am willing to give her everything I possibly can, if she can too understand and accept me completely (including my faith)

Again i feel like she has made a lot of request and "demands" and I feel like I have compromised as much as I can, but when I feel like I am not getting the return of commitment and acceptance I get puzzled. Why tell me that u want to marry me and i am the one and I am perfect? To be honest, she is a good person, caring and i adore her a lot. But I am dissapointed that she cant reason that i am willing to give her the world if she too can show some form of commitment and respect for me and understand my situation. I honestly feel i am not asking too much, I just want the ability to pass on who and what I am to my own children without having to feel restricted. Thanks. *Puzzled* Advice
There's an old saying about not bringing up religion or politics. Both of them go beyond logic - they rely heavily on faith. There's no way you can talk reason with someone about the issue - they just "believe" and logical argument can't have any impact on their beliefs.

So like you've found out, there's just no way to argue logic. She's probably being told by her priest and parents that there is One Way to raise kids, and that you can't be involved. And I agree completely with you that her point of view isn't very logical, or healthy, and that it'll cause problems with the family, which should really be her first priority. She will *not* have her marriage work with anyone unless he is from the exact same sect as she is and has the exact same interpretations of the rules.

I'm really afraid that you should accept this difference and let her go, then find another woman who has those same traits without the religious fervor. Even if you did get her to bend right now, as soon as those kids were in front of her and their "eternal damnation" was on the line, she'd be even more strict about your involvement and it would drive a huge wedge between you two. It's probably best for her to try to find someone who has those exact same beliefs, and for you to find someone more tolerant.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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