She broke up with me on my birthday.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Im not too sure where to start.. Well I will start with the recent past. My girlfriend of three and a half years left me about a month ago. She broke up with me on my birthday. She to this day has only told me that she was unhappy. She swears (and I believe her) That it wasnt someone else and she didnt cheat on me. I am absolutely in love with this girl and am not willing to give up. She still wants to be friends and I want that. But after a month she is already hanging out with guys everyday and telling me how she really likes this one guy. Its only been a month, I couldnt even think of being with another girl. When I met her she was 14 and I was 19... Sound bad I know but she lied to me and told me she was older than she was... I didnt find out for almost two years. I let the whole thing go because I knew how much she loved me. We went through some pretty bad things together.. like other guys wanting her and she denyed it everytime. It wasnt until things got crazy that she saw that these guys really didnt want a friendship and wanted her... Any way thats beside the point... The main point is that the problem that she broke up with me for seems soo small compaired to the things that I stayed with her throught... Her Dad died and she gave me an std and a lot more. I thought that she would have stuck by me through anything. In fact she even said she would. Suddenly as she graduated school something changed she bacame a different person all together. It was weird. Then we broke up... then we got back together and everything was fine for over six months and then she broke up with me again and that is where we are now... She left me on my birthday like I said and that night I did something horrible... I slept with one of her ex friends.. I did that just to make myself feel better and it worked... This person and myself have kept it between us and it will stay that way. But after evrything all I want is to have her back.. I know that we are right for each other because the good times we have are the best times I have ever had in my life. I would give up everything for her and it kills me to know that she is interested in this fucker who I know if she gets with will cheat on her and treat her like crap. OH to top it all off while we were together I turned down an orgy with three HOT girls ... WHY? you may ask what guy in his right mind would turn that down ... well I did because I love her soo much.. And to this day I would turn down the girls again and again to get her back... Im lost without her and I am looking for suggestion on how to get her back.. Now I know that the only way to get her back is for her to accept me but I dont know how ... could you help? thanx I really appreciate it.. Advice
You and she are in different places in life. You're wanting to settle down with one person, and she's looking at experiencing many people to find out who she wants to settle down with. You were there once, you know what it's like to get out of highschool and be faced with the Real World. It's exciting and terrifying and new. And that's where she is now... she needs space to spread her wings and fly. Whether she will fly back to you is really the question. You can only wait and see.

I recommend that you keep her as a best friend, but that you look for someone more your own age to date. She'll be more on your wavelength and will be looking for the same things you are.

I wish you the best!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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