she said its cause she is tired of arguing but we argue over her going out

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
me and my gf have been dating for 4 years and lived together for 3 years. she is 20 and im 24 now all of a sudden she has been wanting to go out all the time and stay out late. i understand why, its cause she is younge but we started arguing alot and now we broke up. she said its cause she is tired of arguing but we argue over her going now she moved out and with one of her friends we talk every other day but she started talking to someone else. i was also her first everything but we broke up once before cause she moved and she dated someone else and messed around then. all she says is that we need to take time apart and the she doesnt know what she wants and that we shouldnt talk all the time. so she can decide on what she wants. but i want to call and talk to her all the time.
i know she is the one for me but she doesnt know what she wants. i feel that if we dont talk then she will move on. and i am the type that always needs a woman in my life. and i have talked to some girls since we broke up but i dont want to hurt them by breaking up with them in the future. and they say that they dont care that i am confussed that they will take that chance. but then again i dont want to do anything that will push my x out of my life for something i did as in messing around with another girl. so should i keep calling and talking or wait till she calls me and only talk when she calls me. need help dont want to mess this one up Advice
She did start with you at a very young age. So it's no wonder that she wants to stretch her wings and fly free for a while. This of course is horrible for you and you're left wanting her back with you and she's just off out there somewhere. Yes, it's rough.

I can't say whether she will come back to you or not. That's all up to her. You are right that she will move on if you don't talk with her, so keep in contact and offer her a good time out with you. Take her dancing, take her clubbing, take her to the beach or 6 Flags, all the things that she wants to do that she's been missing out on. If you're there with her, then she'll think of being with you as a lot of fun instead of as tied down.

As for going out with other girls, I don't see a problem with it but as you point out, she might. So ask her pointedly what she wants of you. She may say that she wants you to date, which you can the do openly and maybe that will prompt her jealousy to kick in and suddenly she'll want to keep you all to herself. Could happen.

Whatever you do, be true and honest about your feelings for her and she will apprecite it. At the very least you'll maintain a friendship with her, whether or not you're dating her.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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