when we did not talk not only did I lose my girlfriend but my best buddy ever

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for almost 4 years.. Over the four year period we had some great times but also some bad times... we were both going through some tough stuff - I had some bad jobs she was paying her way through school etc. For the first year or so our relationship was phenomenal... we spent lots of time together and it was great. As time went on we would spend less time (mainly my doing) and she put on some weight. I think subconsciously her weight really bothered me and I was ashamed to be seen with her to an extent. Don't get me wrong she is a beautiful girl and she was never obsese by any sense of the word- just my own problems... But I slowly undermined her self-esteem through the things I said and the way I acted. A true Shithead... I know... We had broken up a few times in the past... but always got back together

Before we broke up we had been arguing... and we had many fights... I think subconsciously they stemmed around my unhappiness with my life- bad job.. no friends and her weight. Coupled with that she was very homesick and she would go home and then comeback a completely different person.

Before we broke up I enrolled in an MBA program at school and she finished school and got a job as a teacher... she made another visit up north and upon her return we both agreed to call it quits for now.... Since that happened about 2 months ago we have both gone through some major changes. I got a new international job that I love, I exercise and have met some really great friends in my MBA program and have lost about 10 pds and look and feel great... for the most part. My ex also went through some major changes, she loves her job, met a girl at work who is going to get married soon and now they are inseperable and she has lost about 20 pounds and looks like she did when we first met maybe better.

Initially when we broke up we did not talk, then slowly we started talking to each other again...
We now talk quite frequently and she went away last week for ten days. Before she left I had been hanging out with her and her new friend at work and her fiance... I have had a blast with them. Before she left we kissed and we both new there is still something there... I have expressed to her numerous times in the last few weeks that I want to give it one more try.. She says that she is confused and does not know how she feels but is not ready to get back together and has expressed that she may never will... her new good friend has told me however that she knows we will get back together... but I am getting soo many mixed signals... her ex girlfriend said she called her many times to tell her how much she missed me... and I am getting mixed signals from my exgirlfriend as well...

Yesterday she left to go up north for the summer for six weeks.... Before she left we all went out and she had a lot to drink... she kissed me on the cheek at dinner more than a few times and the kisses were more than a peck...

I was driving her around and I just looked over at her and went to kiss her... she practically devoured me and we stopped because the light turned green... I pulled over to see if we could start up again - typical male :) and she said no.... I then told her that I was going to marry her some day and she said I may break your heart some day.

We then got to a club and danced and had a good time... and then I took her home... when we got to her place we talked and she started crying... - I think she was still a little drunk... anyway I hugged her and we ended up sleeping together.. no sex just hugging and cuddling. I never felt soo good.

The next day I saw her off and asked her if she would like to go to my brothers wedding, she said yes but then said that does not mean we are going to get back together.. she says that like she is trying to convince herself of something.. I don't know but it trully bums me out... but then we hook up and she acts jealous when I talk about other girls.. I cant take the mixed signals...

She has told me that I need to move on... but I can't I love her and want her only her... Should I move on and not talk to her for a while??? Do you think I want to get back with her because of the way she looks and because I am lonely? I really think we have both grown in sooo many ways that I think it can work this time with us and I am willing to do whatever it takes... but this hurts soo bad right now...

She is like my best friend and when we did not talk not only did I lose my girlfriend but my best buddy ever...

What should I do?? Any advice you can throw my way would be greatly appreciated..

RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds to me like she's confused over what she wants. Time will sort it out, and I suggest you wait and see if she turns around or not. In the meantime, spend the time with her and let her see the new you. She may be afraid that you're going to be like you were before and hurt her again. So let her know that you're changed and that the changes are permanent, and that you've learned from the past. People always give others second, third, fourth chances. It sounds like she's on the fence, but can be swayed to your side.

Good luck!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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