I need to figure out, with your help, how to get over his past
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
If this has been covered I can't find it and it's an issue for me.
I need to figure out, with your help, how to get over his past. I am 41, he is 40. Of course we both have a past, but I know more than I want to know and it's eating me up. He has shared things and I appreciate his honesty but now it's in my head and I'd rather not know about it. Too late unfortunately, so since I do love him and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, please help me let things go.
After I found out a couple of things, I asked more questions, big mistake, but there it is. Now, I just want to put it all behind me. He says to stop thinking about it and oh man, I wish I could, I want to. He says when we started dating it was a new beginning for both of us and that he NEVER thinks about the past until I bring it up again, which I do. I know it's wrong and I also believe it's the only time he thinks of his past, because I never think of mine either.
Can you help me? I'd very much appreciate it.
It's good that you recognize that you and he are a new beginning, and that you don't think about your own past all the time either. Now it's just getting you to overlook his past.
You love this man. You love who he is and how he's grown to be who he is. He couldn't be this loveable if he hadn't had those experiences that are driving you crazy. Anything in the past teaches us things and makes us better people (provided we are willing to learn what the past teaches, that is). So it was necessary for him to have this past.
Your high school yearbook has lots of memories in it too, but that's buried away somewhere too I bet. So put these memories in their place. When you start thinking about it, interrupt yourself and say, "I can put it in a shoebox in the closet." and imagine yourself putting those memories like photos into a box in your closet. Close the lid and refuse to continue thinking about them. By putting them in this metaphor, you will be able to acknowledge them and keep them from dominating your life.
I wish you the best.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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