He was romantic, caring, giving, handsome...everything I had ever asked for.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I were together for three months. We met after my breakup with the father of my child. We had been together for 7 and a half years. I was devestated but feeling confident enough to try again. When I did, I found the greatest man I've ever known. He was romantic, caring, giving, handsome...everything I had ever asked for. And from the beginning, he made it clear that I was the one for him. He told me constantly that he loved me and told me how beautful I was. Then, things changed...he became more distant and eventually broke up with me. At first he just stopped taking my calls. Then after pleading with him via email, he responded. He told me that he was sorry for not talking to me sooner, etc. We ended up talking about the breakup,about staying friends, how it all went wrong...and he told me that it wasn't me. He said that he had been feeling torn. That he couldn't help but rush in when he met me. He just had to remove himself from the situation because the "practical" side of him told him things were going WAY TOO FAST. I understand that...but then when getting off the phone, he said "I love you" then quickly started saying he was sorry and stumbled over his words. Was this merely force of habit? Freudian slip? or was it something more? And if he does still love me, how can he hurt me this way? I want him back...but I'm lost in how I should go about this. I'm doing really well at pretending to be "just friends", but I don't know how much longer I can manage this facade.

Thank you

Waiting for him...

RomanceClass.com Advice
Three months is a short time to get to know someone well enough to say you love them. That is rushing things a bit, I would say. Not that it doesn't happen, I know it does, and this may be one of those times. But chances are he's feeling a little bit overwhelmed right now and feels like things are spinning out of control. So he stepped back to catch his breath. Unfortunately, it's tearing you apart.

I can't tell whether his "I love you" at the end was just out of habit or really meant. I suspect it was just how he normally ends calls with you and it slipped out. BUT it does mean that he does love you otherwise he would never have had that thought in mind. Small difference though, since he's not with you. But it is a little better than him not saying it at all.

If you can hold on, play the just friends game a while longer. He loves you. He's just scared. If you stay in his circle, then he will come around and be more confident on a second go-round. The only risky thing is if he meets another woman and falls head-over-heels for her. But if he does, then you know what he said to you was all fluffy nonsense and you can discard him. But if he doesn't, then he should come back to you..... That's the best route, in my mind, if a little frustrating for you. He sounds like he's worth the effort.

I wish you luck!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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