She Wants to Take a Break

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. In the past 1 1/2 years, she's lost 67 pounds. She says that 1 things she's certain is that she loves me. The other is that we both need this space. She said she's looking for herself. She has no clue who she is. She doesn't understand how I can be so sure that we're meant to be together forever. She can't committ the same to me. She's done this to me 2 other times already.

I wonder if she's going to come back to me...if she realizes she's making a mistake. I also wonder if she's going to deal with her issues and come back. I'm 33 - she's 27. She's much more mature than a lot of people. She's never been able to be the young, immature, carefree person but wants to try. Advice
If this is the third time she's left you to "see if anything better is around", then that is not a good sign. Life is always full of choices. You have to choose somewhere to live. You have to choose somewhere to work. There are always other choices! But part of being mature is to do your research, make your choices and then to move forward with your life. No choice is ever perfect! There are always pros and cons to ever decision. But you do the best you can and then you work on making it the best situation you can. You buy a house and then pour your heart into decorating it. You don't buy a house, and then let the house fall into disrepair while dreaming about another house. That wouldn't make any sense.

So if she's going to spend her life seeking after new options, it might be best if you find a new person to settle down with. You can never force someone to choose you. She's had at least 3 chances to do that - and each time she's left. You need to be with someone who *wants* to be with you and can make that commitment.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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