I Like Her - She's Dating Someone Else
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
HELP, my feelings are driving me insane! I have been best friends with this girl for about a year now. When we first meet she was absolutely smitten with me, but kind of changed her mind soon after. I had just ended an 8-year relationship with my x and was having trouble remembering how to date again, which I think threw her off a bit.
Anyways, we became best of friends soon after and have pretty much spent a good deal of time every day, together. I have slowly fostered a great deal of love for her and it is getting to the point where I do not know if I can deal with it anymore.
The biggest problem is that right after we ended our trysts she started dating another guy (who I've actually become pretty good friends with and wouldn't want to hurt). I've breached the subject with her before and have admitted my feelings (grant it alcohol was involved). Her response to this at first was that she just didn't love me in a romantic way. Later she admitted to having strong feelings for me but that she had trouble seeing me in a sexually/romantic light (btw, I've never gotten that response from a girl). She also admitted that she was very conflicted and that part of her wanted to be with me while another part wanted to stay with her current bf.
Since all this madness she has tried to set me up a couple of her friends. But things just don't ever work out. Sometimes I think that I'm purposefully setting these relationships up to fail simply because I'm still in love with her and because in her heart of hearts she doesn't really want to see me with anyone but herself. Anyway, I tend to over analyze things so I might just have had a bad run with the recent attempts at dating. I'd appreciate any advice you can give other than the standard bf to relationship how to.
She's seeing someone. Believe me, if she didn't want to see him, she wouldn't be. If anything she is using you as a safety net. You can't spend your entire life waiting around for her to get bored with him and to move on to you as a "second choice".
Take a break from her. Get yourself some time to clear your head. There are millions of single females out there in the world. If you really gave another one a good chance, I bet you would find someone even better than her - since she is not choosing you, and some other female WOULD choose you as their best love.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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