His Life was Stressed - He Left

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend just broke up with me about two weeks ago. He was planning on moving back to his home town to be with his sick Father who planned to sell there house unless he moved back. His father could'nt work any longer and therefore could no longer afford the mortgage. The night he told all this he was so upset, he cried. He kept telling me how much he loved me, but he had to take care of this. I told him that I was willing to pick up and move there with him. Shortly after that he didn't home for a couple days and when I got upset, he came home and packed his stuff and told me I could'nt handle what he was going through, and he could'nt deal with the responsibility of being in a relationship with someone that has a child. That hurt me so bad. But It almost seemed like he was trying convince himself more then anything. His eye's were filling up with tears and he couldnt even look at me. After the first week he was gone I was a mess, it just came out of nowhere. I started thinking about how much I'd been nagging at him about stupid little things that were'nt that important compared to what he was going through. Also, I realized that I never appreciated or validated his efforts with my son. I started thinking maybe he felt unwanted or something, especially because of his lack of experience with children,[maybe he felt like he was not doing the right thing or a good job]. I started wondering if I drove him away.

Another upsetting detail is my financial situation. He helped me spend my entire student loan and now the money's gone and so is he. I have two months of school left and I am broke. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to finish. I knew I was going to run out of money before I finished and I worried about it. I asked him on several different occasions if he would be there for me so I could finish school and get a better paying job. He promised me everytime I asked him and reassured me not to worry. I didnt want to become dependant on him but the way we were spending money I knew it would be gone before I was done. He was working too, but between paychecks he was always using mine. I love him and trusted him, so I foolishly allowed him to do it. However, the last thing I ever expected was that he would abandon me like this.

There were no huge problems between us and breaking up was never discussed. So I phoned him crying and asked him to come talk to me. When he finally showed up, [days later], we talked briefly and I told him I wanted to be with him again. He's got a lot going on in his life and had some things to do, but he told me he would back within couple days and spend the evening talking. When he seen how heartbroken I was he seemed genuinely concerned, and held me and cried again.

He explained he's really confused and he loves me, he just doesnt know what direction to go right now. when he left, he kissed me goodbye and said he would call soon and come back to talk. Well it's been two days and I never heard from him. So I called him tonight and he hung up on me. I'm just devastaded. I don't understand why strung me along if he doesnt want to be with me, and he got so upset. He's not usually the type to be so emotional. but on the other hand, hanging up on me is just insensitive. I just don't know what to think. If you have advice at all I would appreciate it. I need to know how to react to this.

RomanceClass.com Advice
On one hand, his father's situation must be tough on him. He has to be the parent for his father and take on that responsibility.

On the other hand though, he's abandoned you really nastily and not only that, but he left you in a financial mess that he caused. That is just NOT RIGHT. He has just as much responsibility to you and your situation as he does to his father. If he ran through your cash, he has a responsibility to help you finish up school. For him to hang up on you is just incredibly immature.

You could try a variety of things to get him to handle his responsibilities better. However the sad truth is if you have to force someone to be responsible for himself, it's just not going to work. He is immature and irresponsible. That's the way he is. It's not like he's going to change because you force him to. It was slimy for him to use your money like that - and doubly slimy for him to escape as soon as he could when the money was gone.

I would talk to loan officers and see what you can do to finish up the last two months, and I would even go out to his house and sit down with him AND his father and explain the situation. If he is so out of budget that he has no money at all to give to you, let him admit that in front of his father and at least accept the amount he has screwed up your life. Surely if they have a house, they have enough things there that they could help you pay for those last 2 months.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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