He's too touchy-feely

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend is around me 24/7 and he is all ways all touchy feely how do i tall him nicely to back off?



RomanceClass.com Advice
This is one of the basics of communication in a relationship. It's almost always the case that one person in a relationship wants contact more than the other person. Sometimes it's the male, sometimes it's the female. So what you're feeling is *normal* and you have a full right to what you feel comfortable with. A relationship should always be about two people who are totally comfortable with each other. So the over-touchy person has to respect that and not pressure the other person into things. Otherwise the relationship has stress, and pressure, and things tend to fall apart.

So choose a time when he's NOT being touchy, and say that you want to talk. Tell him that you do care for him deeply, but that every person has a 'zone of comfort'. They simply have an amount of touch and contact they feel comfortable with, and sometimes it's just genetically hard wired into you. In any case it's not something that you can just "change" easily. And he is making you uncomfortable with his amount of touchiness. You know that he does it because he cares for you and is showing that caring. But it's not how you *receive* it because of your own make-up. It's not that he's being bad with his touchiness, it's the way he is. Some people are touchy. And it's not that you're being bad in your reception of it, you're just not that touchy. So he has to be aware of it, because instead of you feeling loved by this attention, you're feeling stressed, which is NOT what partners should make each other feel.

So help him understand that, and that for him to love you the way YOU need to be loved, he needs to hold back on the touches. Talk about alternatives, maybe he can hold your hand instead of pawing you, or something like that. Figure out for yourself what you WILL feel comfortable with, and find a compromise with him. That way he knows that you do care, and that you aren't pushing him away because he's "bad". It's just that your need for contact and his need are on different levels, and together you can find a way to find a point that you're both happy with.

In any case do NOT keep giving in to what makes you uncomfortable. That's a bad, bad direction for a relationship to go in and can lead to real unhappiness when you finally just "have enough" and snap. Try to address it now while it's still in the just "annoying" stage.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com




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