She Broke up for Long Distance Reasons - I Want her Back

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I was friends with this girl for about 3 years. We lived across the street from each other. Eventually we realized we liked each other and went out for about 2 years. There was an age difference with me being 18 and her 14 (turning 15 in a couple months). I went off to the military and got the chance to come back six months later at Christmas.

Anyway from then on every couple of months I would make it back home for 3 days to a week each time. It seemed like each time I came back she would be more and more distant not doing any of the more intimite things we did. We never did anything that required removing cloths, I just mean kissing, snuggling and stuff.

Eventually she called me one day said that really loved me but couldn't do this long distance thing. Now she has a boyfriend but every time I come back she spends a lot of time with me. Even though she says we are being best friends she says it is just for now until she gets out of highschool. I know the feelings are still there, I can tell from being around her. This girl has been one of my best friends for a long time, but I dont have just the "friend" feelings for her. Sometimes I feel vey awkward around her, especially if her new boyfriend is around which almost never when I am home.

Do you think I have pinned my hopes on something that will never happen? I love her very much and don't want to make her feel guilty for having broken up with me because of the long distance thing, but I want her back. Advice
It really seems that the age difference is important here. For you, you are 18 and living the life you want and don't mind have a distant girlfriend to visit in your free time. For her, she is just starting the real dating age and she doesn't want to be stuck alone for months on end, only to get a snuggle occasionally. So what you both want out of life is completely different right now.

It might be that after she dates around for a while, and has that 'constant boy at her side', that she'll settle down and be happy being a "once in a long while girl" for you. But you must realize that it's really really hard to be a military wife. Only a very certain woman can survive having their man vanish for months on end. It might simply be that she is not cut out for that - that she wants a guy by her side pretty much every day. You can love her as a friend - but for a partner in life you may need to look for someone more compatible with your schedule.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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