My Girlfriend Took a Break

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I are "taking a break." I asked her what pushed her to this, and all she will tell me is that she needs some time to herself. As for what caused this, all she will say is that she is sick of
people watching us whereever we go (her ex-boyfriends friends tell him whenever they see us together), she is sick of the bullshit (her ex calling and screaming at her when he hears about me), and some of my friends saying shes still seeing her ex.

At first shed talk to me everyday, tell me she missed me and loved me, now its been two weeks and she doesnt call as much, and won't say she misses me and loves me. This break wasn't supposed to last long, and Ive been giving her space, but why wont she tell me she misses me or loves me anymore? We've been together for a year now, and I don't want to lose her. Advice
I may have to write up a page on this 'break taking', it seems suddenly to be a very common theme in questions here. I did answer someone else's break-question a few days ago, if you come back to it might help. But his case was much more extreme - the ex had become threatening and she was actually afraid of him.

In your case he sounds more annoying than anything else. But the same idea applies - he is trying to control her life just like a stalker. And he is succeeding! She is giving in to her ex by letting him affect her current relationship. She's being USED by him, and this isn't good for her. No person should have their life controlled by an ex! If she doesn't make a stand now, it's just going to get harder as she gets used to the idea that she'll let him pressure her into doing things (or not doing things).

She has to take a stand here. He is an ex, and if he's capable of YELLING at her even though they're not dating this is someone she should stay far, far away from. Relationships are about respect and caring. Yelling and screaming do NOT have a place in a relationship. Regardless of anything else, she has to make that very clear to him. Who cares if these friends-of-the-ex see her out and around? She is a HUMAN with that right. Her ex does NOT have the right to harass her. She should block his phone number, throw away any mail unread, and if he gets worse, talk to the police. There are more than enough cases of abusive exs to indicate this is a VERY VERY UNHEALTHY situation for her to be in.

Once she takes care of this ex, then you two can deal with your own relationship. But the primary concern should be to get this ex AWAY from her. And SHE has to realize this, and do it. If you try to push her into it she might resist out of sheer stubborness. If she refuses to see why his behavior is abusive, it might be time to have her talk to a minister, priest, therapist, or whoever else is around for her to talk to. If she keeps enabling him, he's not going to 'get better' she's just going to remain his victim forever.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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