I'm 15 and want to get married
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I'm 15 and I'm in love with my boyfriend. He's in love with me too! The thing is, I realized a few nights ago that I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. My questions are: 1) Am I totally stupid for thinking that? 2) Should I tell him that I want to marry him? 3) How do I let him know that I want to marry him?
First, you're not stupid for thinking that :) You're in the throes of Young Love, and just about every adult alive has gone through exactly what you're going through. Young love is VERY powerful and sweeps you up totally with feelings that are quite strong :) Enjoy the emotions!
But also understand the realities of relationships. It's like watching a Disney movie and dreaming of a prince charming, but then understanding that the guy you marry probably won't own a castle :) Yes, you two love each other deeply. And yes, there's a chance when you both turn 18 that you will *still* love each other deeply. And there's a further chance that after you both graduate from college that you'll have kept in touch and will now choose to spend your lives together.
But that's a long road, and it takes a lot of work the entire time. It doesn't just "happen". People change VERY much during those years, and often you simply change in different ways. Even though you're perfectly matched at age 15, by age 17 one of you has developed into a certain direction, and the other of you has developed in a completely different direction. So while you both still might *love* each other, you might find that you're better suited to *marry* someone else, and still be best friends.
So instead of focussing on "right now I want to marry him and live with him forever", focus on "right now I love him, and I want to work at the relationship so that when we reach the age that we can marry, that we are still this close." Telling him now that you want to marry him in 3 to 7 years doesn't really serve any purpose - you will be quite a different person by the time you reach that age. But telling him now that you love him, and that you are dedicated to continually working on the relationship even as you both change - that is an important thing. Because you both WILL change, and change quite a bit. So if you both actively keep working on the relationship, making sure you talk openly and honestly, that you share your hopes and fears - that will ensure the relationship has a chance of lasting through the changes. And if you do keep it strong all the way through high school and college, then you have pretty much proven that you are great marriage partners.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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