He Says he Loves, he doesn't Show he Loves
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My boyfriend says he loves me but doesn't act like it. How can I let him know that I want to be romanced?
Ah, he doesn't act like it according to you! But every single one of us has our own unique definition of what it means to "act like you love someone." To some people it means flowers every single day, calls every hour. To other people it means home cooked meals every night and a gentle kiss good night. Some people know they are loved and never need "proof" beyond that loving glance.
So the problem is communication. You want to be treated a certain way. He was raised to believe that people in love acted another way. The only way he is ever going to understand what your desires are is if you help him learn. Remember, he wasn't born with you there giving him your personal instructions on what love to you means!
Also remember, he's not your personal servant, designed to bring you joy and pleasure every hour :) A boyfriend and girlfriend should go into a relationship because they both are happy to start with, and they want to share their lives with each other. If the only way you can be happy is if he continually performs tasks for you, that's going to be a damaged relationship pretty quickly. If the only way you'll accept his love is if he brings you a new bouquet of flowers every day, you're being a bit materialistic. But there are always middle grounds, because he should as a boyfriend be interested in bringing you extra joy to your life.
Find ways to proactively bring the romance you crave into your life. Buy two sets of stickie notes and pens, and leave stickie love notes for him. Encourage him to do the same for you and react VERY happily when you get one. React in a way HE likes by the way, not the way you necessarily would think was appropriate. Remember, you're trying to give him feedback that he appreciates so he keeps doing it.
When you're out in a field somewhere, pick some flowers for him and nudge him into getting some for you. When you're together, put on a CD of music you both enjoy and press up against him. Find a special touch that shows your love, a squeeze of the arm or a certain smile. Love isn't necessarily about saying Those Three Words. It's about BEING in love. And no matter what you do, positive feedback is key!!
Do NOT equate money with love. The guys that buy you flowers or jewelry aren't really showing their love a lot of the time. They're showing that they have cash. Which is not the same thing at all.
Here are some other suggestions:
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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