I'm Having Trouble Getting Over Him

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i recently went through a long lasting marriage breakup were my ex had cheated on me. i meet a guy months later after this and we had become quite close. We started on a casual basis and then things became much closer and i fell in love with him. we have been together for only a short period of time however he would not open up to me how he was feeling although we would talk everyday on the phone and he was quite involved with my children and showed me that things were much more serious.

Recently he became a little distant and i was having some doubts as to where we were. he was away on holidays and didn't contact me much at all. i rang him and he was very cold with me so i overeacted to the call and questioned his feelings.

he contacted me a couple of days later and told me we were better off to stay friends and it was best for both of us. i intially told him i couldnt do that i told him to leave me be and not to contact me as i was very hurt. i have since sent a letter saying a few things including the fact that i would like to remain friends with him. i have heard nothing from him and more biggest problem as i cant let him go and move on, he consumes my every thought and he is conected to my soul which is why i have this problem of letting him go.

i know there is no point to a one way relationship but i cant help this feeling of in time he will come back. can u give me some advice on how i can let this man go and move on with my life. i got over my ex husband easier then i can over this man please help

RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like he got cold feet for whatever reason and instead of talking to you about his concerns he just gave you the cold shoulder. Which is a REALLY bad sign since the heart and soul of a relationship is communication and trust. If you can't trust him to tell you when something is going wrong, how can you ever work to make things better? Instead of just letting you know how he felt, so you could both work on whatever he was uncomfortable with, he pulled back more and more until it got to the point that he didn't want to see you again. And even when you wrote him to say "OK we can be friends if that's what you want" he doesn't even respond to that! No wonder you're feeling hurt and confused.

I actually know many people who are in the same situation you are in - missing the "guy after the ex" far more than they ever missed the ex. The reason is that with your ex, you had a long, painful breakup. You GOT the chances to fight about the issues and try to fix them and in the end you knew this just wasn't going to work. So in some ways the breakup was a relief. But with this other guy you did NOT get a chance to try and fix things, to try and figure out a solution. He just ran off. So that hurts MUCH more because you didn't even get a real chance to make it work. He ruined it while it was still pretty good.

If he was that immature, to just run off without being able to talk about what was wrong, it's probably a good thing you found this out now. What if you guys had married and then he felt "uncomfortable" about something and ran off on you then - maybe into someone else's arms? Dating is all about trying out relationships with different people and learning if they were meant to be or not. As much as this guy might be a good friend for you, it sounds like he really wasn't meant to be in a long term relationship right now. You and your kids deserve someone that *is* ready.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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