Things were Good, Then he Vanished

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met my boyfriend via the internet by pure accident in February 2003, something i've never done before because ive always found it easy to meet people but i wanted to chat to peoople about London life because i intend to move there next year. i met this guy with whom i got on really well with and although we have met practically every month for a full week in each others company, since then it has been a bumpy ride - he is so unreliable. he doesnt call when he says he will and even didnt call me on my birthday in august.

he is so nice to me when we are together but its like when i come back home "out of sight, out of mind". one week ago he left me lots of messages on my mobile phone while i was working - saying that he was missing me and that he couldnt wait to see me that weekend - that was on a friday - he arranged to meet me the following day. he then phoned Saturday to say he had money problems and that he was trying to borrow some money from a friend for the train fare - it wasnt a distant phone call or anything and he said he would call later to tell me what time he would arrive. that was a week and a half ago and i havent heard from him since.

ive tried calling to ask for an explanation but i only spoke to his mum and she didnt know where he was. since then there has been no answer.

i am so angry and upset that ive been dumped like this without any clues as to what has happened or any explanation. he has just totally cut me off. i have all sorts of reasons floating around in my head. what do you think happened - there was no sign - maybe he has been too much of a coward to verbally break up with me.

how do i move on and create answers on his behalf. do i continue to try and contact him. im not one of those girls who would normally continue to phone when someone obviously has rejected me but i need answers because im so angry and terribly upset. how can someone treat another person like this. hope you can help me. thankyou Advice
I wouldn't assign any dark motives to the guy. It sounds like he's just naturally flaky. We all have our good sides and bad sides and it sounds for him like staying in contact isn't something he is good at. Lots of people forget birthdays. He did after all send you lots of messages when he missed you and tried to get out to you. If you haven't heard from him since then, maybe something serious happened?

You definitely deserve closure if he really DID completely end it with you in this bizarre manner. But I find it hard to believe that after him being so eager to see you that he suddenly changed his mind 100% and didn't tell you. It's more likely that he got flaky, something else got him wrapped up and he hasn't gotten his focus back.

Yes, you have to make a decision here. Can you deal with a flaky boyfriend? In the grand scheme of things it's not the WORST flaw to have in a boyfriend but it could get really annoying. It might be time to find a guy closer to home that you can depend on.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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