Getting Back my Ex

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I was with my ex girlfriend for a year and close to a month. We had broken up once in May 2003 and exactly 5 months later, we broke up once again in October 2003. We haven't talked much because I really hurt her feelings by saying some things I shouldn't have. But I did come to her home last night, November 13, 2003 and she was shocked at first but surprised to see me. We talked about some old times and giggled with one another.

I asked her if she wanted to listen to new CD I had bought and she said sure so she sat in my car with me. We listened to it and then she said "I got something to tell you but I don't want you to get offended" I said ok, sure, I'm listening. She then leaned over and kissed me. She told me she missed kissing me. I then leaned over and asked if I could kiss her and she let me. I stopped and she was still seeming like she wanted more. Was she testing her feelings for me?

We got out of my car and talked and she said she didn't want to lead me on or hurt me. She said she had a date this weekend but looked down while she was talking to me. I feel that she still loves and cares for me but is a bit confused and frightened by what all happened. You think I still have a strong chance to get back together with her? It's been over a month since we broken up. Advice
It's very common to have mixed emotions after a breakup. You miss the good times, you are glad to be rid of the bad times, and sometimes you want to somehow miraculously regain those good times without having to deal with the bad times. So you do things like kiss and have fun again but then sooner or later it settles back into the same routine and once again you're doing the exact same things that caused you to break up in the first place. It's not like you guys only broke up once. You were together TWO times and each time you broke up again, because you couldn't deal with whatever issues were causing you trouble. If you got back together again you would *break up again* for the exact same reasons.

The ONLY way this is going to work is if you deal with what was wrong honestly, openly and fully. That is CRITICAL for any relationship. Either you talk about the bad things, even though it's hard, or it is NOT going to work. So offer to sit down with her and be brutally honest about EVERYTHING that wasn't right. Ask HER to be brutally honest too. You guys have to get it out of your system. If you can't handle these talks, then the relationship will not work. So consider this your "last chance" to make things work. Prove to her you are serious by opening your soul, and prove to her that she can trust you and open her soul to you.

-- from Jenn
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