I threw her away, now I want her back

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My ex and I were together and lived together for 5 years within the relationship I screwed up. There were other girls fond of me and I unfortunately questioned those feelings and dated them while I was with my ex. My ex stood by me through everything good and bad.

I was totally loyal to my ex the past two years but I also lost a job, laid off another and was forced to take a low pay job that I work at now. I met this girl and we really clicked I again questioned my future and messed up again this time my frustrations in the relationship as well as my professional life came to play. I got frustrated and broke up with her.

She thought I was going to be her life mate. We left our apartment I moved back home and she doesnt want to talk to me. We have talked a couple times but she get so emotional that it has resorted to emails. I realized now that she is my life partner and I have told her Im sorry and I would work to change my ways and prove to her I love her.

Now she doesnt email me anymore what should I do. I truly am in love with her and am not afraid to show and prove it to her. How can I get through to her.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I know you miss her and are lonely right now. But you need to really think about this honestly. You had this woman for 5 years and you were never content with her. If she HAD been great for you, you would have been happy and not straying every chance you got. But instead you kept getting distracted by others. Things just weren't right for you with her. It is VERY easy to look back on a relationship and say "but things were perfect! If I had another chance they WOULD be perfect!" But they were NOT perfect if all those problems were happening. Yes, now that she's gone you miss her and want her again. But if you two got back together again, things would be even less than perfect now - because not only would all of the old problems exist, but now in addition to those problems you'd have the additional burden of her trust being seriously broken.

A life partner is someone you have complete trust in, have 100% communication with, that you fully respect. I think that you two always *loved* each other but that you were never at the life partner level. You both wanted to find someone who COULD be that but it wasn't each other. The way in which you related to each other shows that. I would take a break from her for a while and let things settle down. If you two were really meant to be, you will still want each other after a few weeks and be able to talk with each other about it. But I really have to say that it's much more likely that, once the initial shock is over, you'll acknowledge that things just weren't right between you and that you both will be really much happier with someone who is more suited to your styles of living. You CAN'T just "change". You are a unique person! And somewhere out there is a woman who will love you - and who you will love - just the way you are.

If you start having to change yourself completely to be happy with another person, it's not right. And it won't last.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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