Getting Over an Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Why would your ex-boyfriend say he misses you after 5 months? It has been 8 months since he broke up with me but he never did anything about it. What should I do? We where togther for 4 years. Advice
Four years is a HUGE amount of time to be with someone, you get used to them being around, you incorporate that person into your life. Often breakups are very traumatic and the shock of breaking up plus some sort of "Hurrah! I'm free to do whatever I want!" could easily account for the months of quiet.

But he may have now gotten through the shock and is thinking, "Now what? This single life isn't as fun or great as I thought. I miss having her there with me, I miss us being together. Maybe the things I thought were bad really weren't bad, compared to what it's like being alone."

Breaking up isn't just a single act that takes a day or two and then is done. It's a long process, the thrill of change, the realization that it's really over, the loss of all the shared memories. Breaking up can easily take months and months if you've been together for a while.

There could also be external reasons. Maybe holiday get-togethers are coming up and he realizes he has to go to them alone. Maybe a friend of his has a girlfriend and he hates being the one without a girlfriend. Who knows :)

The real question is, how do you feel about it. Think about the relationship and your life without him. How do they compare? Was he always there for you, could you talk to him honestly about anything, could you depend on him? Why did you break up - is it something that you could solve proactively BEFORE you get back together again? If you get back together again without dealing with the break-up factor, you're just going to break up again. So you have to take steps *together* to face and solve the issue, and both agree to work on it constantly going forward.

It seems like the ball is in your court ... now you have to choose what to do with it.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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