My Girlfriend is Too Jealous!

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend is always jealous of me - picks on the women I work with, calls me constantly to check up on me. I love her and am faithful, but it's getting hard to deal with. What should I do? Advice
Jealousy at its root is fear. The jealous person is afraid that they are not good enough, and that you are likely to leave for someone else if given the chance. A jealous girlfriend worries that if you talk to another woman, you might realize that other woman is better, and will 'run off' with her. It's a lack of trust in the relationship and in her value in it.

On one hand, some jealousy is a natural reaction to a bad relationship. If the guy is having an affair and spending all his time with this other woman, the girlfriend is right to be jealous of the time spent away from her. If the guy goes out partying with his female friends and only comes home to make his wife cook and clean for him, the wife has a right to complain.

But on the other hand, most jealousy is based on the insecuritise of the jealous person. If the guy is doing his part in the relationship, but the girl is still jealous because he works with females, or he has female friends, that is unwarranted jealousy. Everybody should have friends of both sexes. Everybody should have coworkers of both sexes. For a girlfriend to be upset because you work with women, or because some of your friends are women, is showing that she's afraid that your relationship isn't strong enough to withstand any other female contact. No relationship should have to exist in a vacuum to survive ... you shouldn't have to lock up your partner in a windowless room in order to have trust. That's a Taliban point of view and hopefully one we will never come to.

You need to sit down and talk about your relationship. All relationships are based on communication and trust. If she cannot trust you, and cannot communicate this in a way other than blind jealousy, it's time to work on that.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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