Flirting On the Rebound

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I broke up with my boyfriend only two weeks ago and to ease the pain I went online to flirt...bad choice? I met a great guy who makes me feel special and who already tells me he loves me. The problem is that I feel super confused because I don't know if I should be falling in love with someone else this fast. I like him a lot but yesterday I told him we shoud stop talking because I am liking him too much...and I dont want to. I was trying not to be mean to him but i think that I was anyway.

What do I do should I still keep talking to this guy or should I just stop for now?? There is still a slight chance I might go back with my boyfriend... Advice
You're right in the middle of rebound right now, and what you were doing (seeking out other guys to make you feel better) is exactly what rebound is all about. But it also is hugely destructive because half the time you get back with your ex, which is very painful to your rebound-guy. The other half of the time you dump the rebound guy once you get back on your feet and realize that he wasn't what you thought he was. So pretty much none of the time will the rebound situation work. Which is a shame because that guy MIGHT have been great for you, if only you'd waited and given the relationship a chance to grow normally.

If you still have ANY hope with your ex, you did the right thing. Yes the rebound guy will be sad, but he'll be far less sad than if you strung him along for weeks and weeks and then said "sorry see ya". Also, love does not come from a few weeks of net chatting. Love comes from many months of real life knowing someone inside and out. So it sounds like he was a bit eager to jump for "love" and that you were vulnerable at the time.

I would focus 100% on your ex and really see if it will work, if you can get through the issues that drove you apart. Really talk about the problems, really discuss solutions. That way if it works it was because you both really tried. If it fails, you both know that you gave it your very best shot and have few regrets.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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