Am I better off?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hello, I just have a question about my ex.

For a long time I was very happy with her. It really seemed like a dream come true and I just couldn't picture myself with anyone else.

But I recently broke it off with her last month after dating for a year. I didn't want to... but she had been cheating on me. I found out when i met the other guy and I had suspected it before. I asked some friends about it and she found out that I was asking around. She told me I had trust issues... haha. Well, she wouldnt admit to it right after i found out. She would later though...

I thought she was the one for a while but I could tell something had really changed about her a few months ago. That or I just didnt know who she really was. I look back now and I see how she always wanted more and was never happy with anything. I never told her no, I always said yes to anything. I didnt start fights. I tried to communicate sometimes but she always hopped around any discussion. I wasnt confrontational. I gave her space when I thought she needed it and I did everything I could to balance things out so she would be happy.

But I decided I didnt need anyone that would do that to me... I didnt want to think about her anymore so I got rid of everything and deleted her off all my contact lists. I didnt talk to her for a month. Wasnt easy, I was having dreams about her every other day. No matter what I did, she was on my mind every day. I almost got with some other girls but each time I stopped becuase I wasnt ready for anything.

Then suddenly, on valentines day, I get a note from her. I wasnt rude but I just told her i wasnt ready for any kind of friendship. But she wanted to get back together and she told me all these things about how stupid she had been and that cheating on me was the biggest mistake in her life. I said I must not have been giving her something she needed or I was lacking somehow, but she said it wasnt me.

So we tried it again for about a week. She was still with the guy and told me she would break it off with him. Well, I wasnt really too surprised that by the end of the week she told me she couldnt do it and asked me if she could stay with him for another couple of months while dating me in secret. I think thats what they call playing the field :/

Anyways, I did the exact same thing as before. I said shame on me for fooling me a second time and then I stopped talking to her again. Deleted everything...

I just wish I knew why this part of me holds on to her so tight. Rationally, I shouldnt even care. She bled me dry and moved on to the next guy. She's a total player it seems. Why wont she get the heck out of my head?

So I guess Im just wondering if I've done the right thing. If picking up and going forward is the only way to go.

But I should tie this up...

Thank you very much for reading. I apologize for the length. Advice
Well as they say in the 12 step programs, admitting you have a problem is half way there. You know she's a player and you're not happy being played. You see her faults, and yours. I think you're ready to move on, all you have to do is just do it. Get back out there in life, take up a hobby, spend time with friends, do things that make you feel happy and content. Be with people who treat you well. Most of all, respect yourself for being smart enough to tell this girl to take a hike. You'll be OK in a while. Good luck

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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