Total Confusion :(

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well I met this wonderful girl online. Both of us are currently unemployed and are waiting to start school. I've known her for little over a month now and with all our freedom we've been able to talk almost every day for long hours at a time. To be quite honest, she's an amazing person and I really do love her. I have never loved so much in my life. Maybe Im just inexperienced, but thats how I feel. This person has made massive improvement in my happiness and my life. Not just how I feel, but how and who I am. Im just better. Or I was until a few days ago...

My girlfriend lives miles away in Germany. I lived there for 4 years myself and have strong ties to the country. Im back home now in the states and miles away. For nights I've dreamt of her. She's invaded my mind all day long. Needless to say, it has been painfull to be so far away.

I was scared for a while. I felt so much for her, but I feared the same was not true of her feelings for me. We trusted eachother with a multitude of personal details and could talk about anything... Well, almost. There were a few things she didnt want to know and a few things she never told me. I could never see her and she could never see me. She didnt want to know my real name, happy with my online identity alone. We knew so much about eachother except for these important things.

This pretty much confirmed my fears. It was a message that she didnt love me. So I spent a few sleepless nights trying convince myself otherwise.

It finally came to a point a few days ago. We were discussing some things that had been worrying her. I was doing all I could to comfort her and keep her away from the dark thoughts she was having. I told her not to worry and then I asked if she felt like somone cared for her. I told her my true feelings and I was surprised and relieved to find that she actually felt the same of me!

Something was still wrong. She did love me but she confessed that there was a barrier there, a reality. I inquired into her fears and she told me I would hate her if I knew what she was really like. She was terrified and I was terrified of losing her. I asked again. Bravely, she told me the truth, why she was holding back all this time.

She had lied about her sex and felt incredibly guilty about hiding it all this time. I told her that i didnt hate her and that I forgave her for everything. She simply couldnt go wrong. It was a shock to me, I wont lie. Despite it all, I still love this person, this girl that I met online. I think of her that way, because that is what she is on the inside.

But... this has been difficult. I am not gay and neither is she really. I am torn between my nature and my love, in more pain than before. I dont know if I can get over this gender barrier. Its not like I can just stop loving her. Thats impossible.

I fell in love with a girl and now I must question her existence. But she's real on some level, I know! I feel very shallow and self centered because I want a full woman. I love her, but Im afraid I have to let go now. Im afraid Ill hurt her now. All because of some anatomical imcompatibilty. I told her I would try to maintain our relationship. We do still talk online and we do love eachother. I can still send her a -kiss- and a <3, becuase I still feel that way.

Here's the big thing, If I ever did let go of her, it might be the biggest mistake I've made in my life. But however it ends, I know we'll allways be friends. We have discussed this and she understands.

So here I am again. Sleepless nights and I have no idea where Im going. :( Im sorry for this epic storyline. I can never make something short :( Advice
Continue to talk with her and don't worry about the outcome. Nobody can foretell the future.

However, in the interest of your nature, you should be prepared for your relationship to cool off a bit. After all, you've only been talking for a month or so. You will always have your friendship as an anchor.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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