Is it considered cheating...?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I finally have a boyfriend. I have seen him for about a year and a half, but never really gotten to known him until recently. We started to like eachother, and we've been going out for a month. The problem is, we go to different schools. He goes to a public school, and I got to a private school 45 minutes away. We have never gone to the same school, but I used to live in the next town over. Now I live like 45 minutes away, and only get to see my boyfriend on Fridays and some weekends. He has told me that he loves me, and I believe him. I don't think I love him back, because I've been in love before and it doesn't feel the same way, but I really like him.

At my new private school, I met a guy the same age as my boyfriend (a year older). We started hanging out, and now we tend to go to empty places in my school and just sit there and talk after school. He really is a sweet guy. I kind of like him, and I know he likes me. He knows I have a boyfriend, but doesn't personally know him. Recently, this kid and I have been holding hands when we are alone, talking about pretty deep stuff. I don't know if it's considered cheating or not, but that's all we've done. I feel absolutely awful about it. I see this kid every day, and we barely speak to eachother, but when we're alone, we hold hands and talk.

I feel bad because I really like my boyfriend, and I would never EVER want to cheat on him or hurt him in any way, but I kind of like this other kid, and this other kid wants to take me to a dance at our school if my boyfriend can't go. I really need some help. How do I deal with this? I really like this kid as a friend as well, and I don't want to lose him as a friend. But I also really want to keep my boyfriend. Help, please! :)

- Distraught Advice
Some people would consider it cheating, but I don't think it's cheating until you kiss him. On the other hand, if you go to a dance with him without telling your boyfriend I would call that cheating.

However much you don't want to hurt your boyfriend, you will be doing him a favor if you tell him you don't feel the same way and set him free to find someone who will love him back. If you do this soon, you will be able to hang out with the other guy as much as you want.

Long-distance romance is a very difficult way to have a relationship... you are discovering this right now.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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