He Broke Up Out of the Blue
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my ex boyfriend for 5 1/2 years. He just broke up with me over the phone after being in H for a week on vacation with his family-out of the blue!
Our relationship started when we were 19 and in college. We dated casually for the first 6 months, then his parents got a divorce after 25 years and he couldn't commit to being with me. 2 weeks later he had a girlfriend-that lasted 1 month then he came back. Ever since we have been together. We had a week break when I went on internship during summer of my senior year for a week then he came back. We graduated and moved in together. I hated my job and became very depressed,I lost interest in being intimate and we ended up arguing a lot because of it. I finally faced my issue a 1 1/2 later after getting a new job and having a break down at work. After telling him, he told me he needed time and space and wanted to move out. We were apart 2 days and agreed that it would be good to live apart for me to grow stronger and see if could make it work.
Now after 10 months of living apart, it seems that he has fallen out of love with me, he doesn't feel that we are a team, and I am still not there for him intimately. He said that all of the travelling we have done over the last month and time apart has given him the time to realize that I don't love him the way he needs to be loved. Our relationship was good but not great and he feels that it was too much work and at this point the good out weighs the bad. He said I could go forever with out being touched and he cant't live his life this way and doesn't see spending the rest of his life with me. I asked how he could not say anything to me and just throw everything away after so long? I wasn't always like this and I think it might be the medication that I am on but he says it won't change. He feels like we are doing things for each other because we have to not because we want to. He enjoys our time together and we have so much in common but feels he could love someone else more. He adamantly denies there is anyone else, he never cheated and all my pictures are still up on his walls.
This seems so easy for him. I am devastated I want to be with him and only him, it makes me sick to think of being with someone else or him being with someone else. We have all the same friends and go on vacations 2 times a year! How can this be happening. I can't eat, concentrate or sleep. I wrote him a letter, he didn't even acknowledge that he recieved it. I called and he won't take my calls. I went over and asked him to tell me to my face that he couldn't be with me-deserve that after so long, he is my first boyfriend-we just talked about getting married and getting engaged 2 weeks ago! He told me all these things to my face-he was even whistling up the walk way as I waited for him in front of the door!
He said this is the way he felt, he had felt it coming on for a while and tried to push it away, he didn't want to lead me into thinking we would get back together and said maybe he was making a mistake but what a better time in his life at 25 then to go and see what is out there, and this is how he feels right now.
What do I do!?! This is the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and my whole world has been turned upside down. Will he come back to me? Even though we have taken 2 breaks we both said we would not date others-now he is actually breaking up with me and says that he wants to find someone he truley loves and doesn't have to work so hard on the relationship. Please help.
You guys were apart for 10 whole months and apparently during that whole time things never got better enough to get back together again. I know that it's always hard to break up, but you guys really did give this a long, hard try and it just wasn't working out well. I doubt the intimacy is the only issue here. That is just one out of many issues you mentioned. Things obviously weren't great here. There were many problems. You guys weren't facing them or working on them. You were happy to let things drift along in their not-great state.
I know it's hard, but somewhere out there is a guy who IS great for you, who will be thrilled with you the way you are, who won't go 10 months just half heartedly thinking things are "ok enough". You deserve that great guy. Go out and find him, and find what true happiness is all about.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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