How we Treat our Kids

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
what am i surpose to do if the man i love wants me to treat his kid better then my own? he has so many different standards and im really lost. Advice
One of THE most important things to have in any family, no matter how it is made up, is fairness. It is a critical thing that kids learn. If kids sense unfairness when they are growing up, it can really damage them - whether they're the "up kid" or the "down kid" in the situation.

I have a page on how to have a serious talk - follow this to start with

and then sit down with him and talk about how important it is for a family to be fair. That you two treat each other with respect and love, that you treat the kids with love, that they treat each other with respect. The way your family works together forms the entire basis for how your kids then treat their friends, and eventually their own partners and kids. So this is very, very critical.

Get him to agree that fairness is important, and then talk about specific ways in which the children need to be treated fairly. If he feels that something should be unfair, listen to his reasoning, but then see if it really is far or unfair. If he really insists that his child should be treated *better* just because he is more *deserving*, it's time to head to a therapist. If he cannot treat both children with equal respect and love, it can really, really damage your child's entire life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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