Not sure how much further I can go!

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I had been together close to 2 years,from the start everything was very different with her, we never stopped smiling when we were together and the physical attraction was amazing. There is an age difference with her being 19 and myself 24 but it never seemed to matter. Last fall we ended up going to college miles apart almost 9 hours away and we spent the whole of the academic year carrying on the relationship over the phone. I'm very close to her family and even spent much of the christmas break from college living there as my family live back in Europe. Things began to get difficult a few months back as having a relationship while we she experienced our first year at college and were so far apart was difficult, she would always tell me things would work out because she wanted them to and I said I would do the same. We spoke of me moving close to her when I graduated and even about marriage which I think put un-needed pressure on things but she told me all she was doing was waiting for me to ask. On one trip she made up to see me she asked me to promise id never leave her because she didnt know what she'd do I was a bit unnerved but told her I had no plans on going anywhere and I'd tell her if i ever did. A month ago she called as usual to tell me goodnight but said she needed to be alone because she couldnt be in a relationship right now. 2 Days prior she had sent a message saying she loved me more than anything in her life and to please be patient enough to marry her. She sent me an e-mail the day after breaking up, saying how she loved me more than she thought she ever could, how i made her feel so secure with the relationship and all her insecurities and how she desperately wanted to be the perfect person for me so she needed this time apart to prove to herself she can do things without me because she was to dependant on me. For the week following she sent me txt messages saying how she missed me and loved me, she even said that she just wanted to see me and be with me but knew she needed to take this time to stop being so dependant on me i tried to give her the space she desired. We spoke on the phone about a week later and I told her I loved her but I needed to know how long she thought this was going to take as I was going crazy. We had a couple of similar phone calls which ended in arguments but about three weeks after the breakup i told her take as long as you need because I love you and even though i might regret it your worth it, I also told her I knew things had got too focused on "forever" and that if we could get back to having the fun again things would be ok and that I knew I had to give her more space to enjoy college and her new friends because that was definitely a fault of mine. She told me she knew she was going to marry me and things were going to work out. A week later we were both back from college she called and asked to have lunch, their was no awkwardness and we enjoyed each others company, she was very touchy during the day and kept stroking my face and told me she didnt think the break up was permanent and she was sorry it was taking so long, I walked her to her car and we kissed, told each other I love you and I felt good. Two days later she called me at 3am drunk at a friends party and left a message saying sorry but things are really over I'm trying to see someone new, call me. I'm at a loss as to what to do,its been a month since we split i know I love her but I dont know if theres anything left to fight for, she hasn't ever given me a reason why she felt she had to break up and its killing me. I'm the only person she's ever said she loves and I wonder if shes scared of being hurt as me telling her I felt things needed to change to make us stronger in the long run seemed to put these events into motion. I know I was her first serious relationship as before the longest was less than a month and she had never been a big dater because she was a very confident individual. Which is why I have such a hard time believing shes moving on to someone else straight away as opposed to just pushing me away through fear, please help? Advice
Lond distance romances are notoriously difficult to maintain.

You two did a great job for a long time, but eventually time took its toll.

My guess is that she eventually succumbed to the charms of a new man and the time out was to test whether there was anything to it. When she finally decided to leave you she could only do so under the influence of alcohol.

If you want to continue with her, a good bet is to try to remain a best friend. She may change her mind and you will be there at hand. It's not an easy thing to do, but may be your most reasonable option.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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