Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex and I have been back and forth for years. We've always remained close though. We've broken up and dated other people, but somehow it's always come back to me and him. We lived together right from the beginning and he believes that's what caused us to have so many problems. After the initial "honeymoon phase" of our relationship, we argued all the time, mostly over stupid stuff. Our last break up was in the fall, but we've remained in touch ever since. We've hung out and we talk on the phone constantly. Then just the other day, I find out he's been in a relationship for the past 7 months. He said he didn't want to hurt me, and that he still had feelings for me. He told me that he still loved me and that he knew that I was the only person who really cared about him and he knew I would always be there for him. He said that no matter what, I would always come first to him, even before his new girlfriend. He said that he's not saying we'll never be together again, he is just confused about what he wants at the moment and right now he wants to be with her. The worst part is: he still calls, we still hang out, he still looks at me like he loves me more than a friend. He'll take my face in his hands and tell me how much he loves me and he'll kiss me on the forehead. Then he won't call for days and when he does call he'll ask me why I haven't called him. I've been experiencing depression for most of my life. He knows I've been depressed in the past, but he thinks I'm over it now. All of this back and forth stuff is driving me crazy. I'll tell him we aren't friends and I'll try to ignore his phone calls, but I can't. I'll tell him that I can't talk to him anymore, but that never lasts. I feel so helpless about the situation. He's all that I think about and I can't handle him being with someone else. He's still young and I get the feeling he's not ready to settle down with anyone just yet. But why does he keep holding onto me? I don't want to move on, I want to be with him, but he's got me so confused with his actions. Is it because he really does love me and he sees himself settling down with me in the future, he's just not ready to clip his wings just yet? Please help me, I'm desperate. Advice
I think you have hit the nail on the head.

He seems to be young and not ready to settle down.

But he seems to love you at least as much as his GF based on all he says and does with you.

You are going to have to decide whether to dump him or let things ride the way they are going. The smart but painful move would be to dump him.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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