Not sure what to do to get my ex to give us another chance

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
So I really have tried everything with her, tried to end contact, wrote a love letter, apologized, tried to hang out with her, ect...nothing has seemed to work. We were together for a year and 2 months and it seems that she will not give me a chance.

2 weeks ago we started to talk a little bit (once or twice a week) and I hung out with her a couple of times with friends, one night she texted me asking me how I was with us and I just acted like I wasnt sure with what she was asking. I asked her what she was asking and she said that she wasnt sure but that she just wanted to know how I was, i was thinking of how to answer her and right before I could she said goodnight and went to bed...I saw her the next day because I asked her if she wanted to help me buy a birthday present for my mom, she was all up for it, we small talked in the store but for some reason it felt ackward to me between us, later on I texted her asking her how she was with us (just like what she asked me the night before) she said good, I asked is that overall or about us and she said both, that she is happy that we can be friends... I texted her saying that I still have feelings for her, she said that’s good that your being honest but that she didn’t know how to answer to that, I just told her that I wasn’t saying that to get an answer from you, I just wanted you to know, that was on a Friday.

We didn’t text or talk Saturday and I saw her at church on Sunday and we didn’t even talk then, she was standing with her friends talking about lunch and I left to go to lunch with my parents, she texted me later saying that I could of came along…Later that day I get a phone call from my best friend saying that he saw her at his work (works at a restaurant) and he talked with her a little and apparently she likes some guy and they talked about him for a short while, obviously I am crushed and angry… I texted her saying that I hear that you found a new guy, I hope your happy…I left it at that. She wrote back and had me explain what was going on , I told her my friend told me and she said that I shouldn’t jump to too many conclusions off of what my friend says, I told her then to tell me the truth and she said that she likes him…to sum up the conversation, I asked her to give me another chance, to give me a benefit of a doubt and she turned me down and said that its not going to happen…she said that she doesn’t think that we are right for each other (based off assumptions of me that I know are wrong). Anyways she got upset at me and the next day I emailed an apology for getting upset and explained myself, she texted me saying thank you later that night…

So here I am now, I don’t know what to do again, what can I do to get her to give me a chance? What can I do to get her to feel something towards me again? I am not trying to ask her to be romantic with me again, just to try and see what develops between us (I have already said something along those lines and that didn’t work). I truly love this girl and I know that she loved me. we talked about marriage and stuff so I know we were in a very serious relationship. I’m not sure of what I should do at all (whether cut off contact and let her contact me, continue to try with writing her every so often…no idea!). Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks Advice
Without knowing why she split up with you, it is hard to answer your questions.

She was attracted to you once so there is a better chance that she could do so again compared to a random woman. She seems to like being your friend, so start with that. Go back to the basics: share information, feelings, and affection. Keep your spirits uplifting and bring her up with you. Make yourself attractive by your words, acts, and being. Learn a foreign language, read more, visit a foreign country. She may find these things new in you and she may look at you with different eyes. Definitely don't drift back into a humdrum

And, to repeat, look at what caused this split and think hard, as I imagine you already have, about what the underlying causes were. Seek professional counselling if that seems appropriate to you.

It may seem a little hopeless now, but keep taking small steps to encourage your relationship with her. You never know what might make a change.

Good luck to you, George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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