What to do about mixed signals?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My boyfriend of close to 2 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago because of what we both now agree were stupid communication problems that could easily be fixed. We fought too much because I'd pick on little things that I didn't know hurt him and he wouldn't tell me he was feeling upset about it. Ever since we have broken up, I can tell he still has feelings for me. He will say he wants to be friends but then he will hug me and kiss me and talk to me the way he used to when we were dating. On Valentine's day I finally got fed up with the games and had a long talk with him. He said that while he agrees we have completely fixable issues, he is not sure if he "loves me enough" or if we are right for each other. I think those are dumb excuses because if we worked so wonderfully for so long, we are right for each other. I know he still cares about me because he does things like kiss me and tuck me in when he thinks I'm asleep and sometimes he will suddenly kiss me when we're just talking.
He says he does not want to be in a relationship nor dating now because he has a lot of school committments. He is very determined to be a doctor and now all he does most of the time is study. At first we agreed to just be "dating" until the end of this semester, when he has less school stressors, and then to see if we could try again, but suddenly he said that he wanted to try to be friends for a month, and then to see how I felt. None of that makes sense to me, because he already knows how I feel. His mom and his friends are all telling him he's stupid for letting me go and that he will regret it later. After we had that talk, he still would hug and kiss me, and the next time I saw him he came over and was laying in my lap and doing other very un-friendlike things. He has said repeatedly that he does not know what he wants. I don't know if I should just stick it out and let him continue doing this until he figures it out, or cut him off completely so that he sees what life is like without me. Whenever I tell him that he needs to make a decision, he says he doesn't know and that we should try being friends, which as I said before, doesn't work because we've been trying since we broke up! He says one thing and then acts another. He is a very stubborn person and despite all the explanations I give him does not seem to listen. I have a feeling that he will only admit to himself what he gave up when it is too late. What can I do to stop this? This is killing me!
Wait out the month of "friends" and then pin him down.
Tell him that it's time for him to put up or shut up. If he isn't willing to commit, then show what it's like to be without you. My guess is that he will come running back to you.
You have a lot of support on your side so he will feel pressure to get back together with you... that and missing you.
He can't be allowed to play this waiting game forever.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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